Monday, August 27, 2012

What a Week It's Been...

I think the headlines of the past week or so have been enough to make anyone's head spin. The whole stink made over Akin's comments, the information about the bill that Paul Ryan sponsored with Akin which I (and a few others) view as a rapist's bill of rights, the hurricane headed toward Florida that has changed direction and is now headed toward my beloved New Orleans just in time for the seventh anniversary of Katrina (Yes, for anyone who doesn't know...I am obsessed with that city. It's like the city of my soul...the place I have always felt I belonged, but I've never laid eyes on it.), and today the comments from the ignorant GOP candidate in Pennsylvania that compared becoming pregnant because of rape to having a child out of wedlock....It's enough to make a person scream....or to make them fight. I am someone who likes the fighting approach even if my actions actually produce little in the way of results just so I feel as if I am doing something to stop the madness. 

My facebook page this past week has been very active. I re-post everything that I think is important, all of the bullshit that is said against human rights, women's rights, etc. by candidates and by those already in office. Sometimes I piss people off. I don't care. I have facebook friends of many different walks of life, many different religious and political views, friends from all over the world. When they post things that I don't agree with, I scroll past it. Why? Because I don't like to argue with people over issues. I would rather argue with politicians, for instance, over political issues or stupid things they've said than argue with a person I like because we have different views on these issues. I am one of few with that philosophy apparently.  However, that won't make me stop posting. My body is a piece of crap that just doesn't work as I wish it would. It's far weaker than my spirit. As a result of that, I often end up missing things like protests. So my facebook posts, while largely overlooked I am sure, are my way of having a voice in all of this. And I won't silence it to pacify facebook friends or anyone else. Like I said, although I doubt anyone pays attention to it, it's really all I have to make me feel as if I am doing something instead of laying down and letting the GOP walk all over me. Having said that...here's my opinion on some of the stuff that's happened this past week:
The Akin "scandal"
If you missed it, Rep. Todd Akin proceeded to "enlighten" the world about how a woman can't get pregnant in cases of "legitimate" rape because her body just "shuts the whole thing down". What he said is wrong and completely ignorant. But I don't get why everyone took notice considering the fact that this is the kind of crap that's been said over and over again since the beginning of 2011 by members of the GOP. We had one politican compare a woman being forced to carry and give birth to a still born baby long after it had died in her womb because of abortion restrictions to a cow giving birth to a dead calf, we have 31 states that allow a rapist to sue for parental rights....hell, all the way back to 1990 we had jack asses like Clayton Williams telling women to lay back and enjoy rape. This bullshit isn't new, this is NOT an isolated case. This is one of many many attacks on women, on abortion, on birth control that we've seen from this party. Which leads me straight to....
Paul Ryan co-sponsoring a bill with Akin
This bill would ban ALL abortions, all contraceptives, and even invetro-fertilization by granting an egg personhood rights (one of the dumbest concepts I have ever heard in my life!) It also gives rapists a boat load of rights to the children they conceive during rape. And this is coming from Mitt Romney's VP. No, there's no war on women at all, folks. No connection between Romney and Akin either. None at all. 
Aren't they chummy? By the way, the name of that bill is the Right to Life bill in case you want to check it out on your own sometime. 

Tom Smith, a GOP candidate from Pennsylvania, decided to spend his Monday enlightening the world on how a child conceived in rape is much like a child conceived out of wedlock. When asked how he would approach the situation if his daughter were raped, how he would tell her she had to keep the baby, he said he went through a similar situation and his daughter chose the right thing, to have the baby. When asked how the situation was similar, he answered that she was pregnant and not married.... In case you missed it (and I am sure you did because I really haven't heard much about it in the mainstream today) here's the story:
http://thinkprogress.org/health/2012/08/27/751971/pennsylvania-gop-senate-candidate-getting-pregnant-from-rape-is-similar-to-having-a-baby-out-of-wedlock/?mobile=nc
At the bottom there is a sound clip and you can actually listen to him say all of this. And you can hear him try to backtrack like a motherfucker when he was pressed harder on the comparison. 

Now this was President Obama's reaction to Akin's comments:


Why would I EVER vote for Romney and Ryan? As a 25 year old poor woman who is very sick and has no health care, as someone who would fight for a woman's freedom, for the freedom of others as well, no matter what...why the hell would I vote for men who PROMISE to take away all of the things our foremothers and forefathers fought so damned hard for? I would have to be a fool. Speaking of fools...

Get this. In the state of Arizona a woman is now legally pregnant two weeks before she actually conceives. And this completely retarded piece of horse shit? Signed into law by a woman. Yep, god bless America. :)
http://www.examiner.com/article/arizona-law-pregnancy-starts-2-weeks-before-conception

And all of this...every one of the above headlines...has all occurred since my last blog post. Akin is one of many. Let's put everyone's dirty laundry from the GOP out there as Akin's was put out. Let's tell the truth on ALL of it. Isolated incident my ass. Men trying to destroy a woman's freedom, men trying to redefine rape, even on politician who made the remark that women don't even know what rape is....this wasn't an isolated incident. It's the agenda, the platform, of the entire GOP party. Oh, and in addition to all that, did you guys happen to catch Romney's comments on financial aid? You can have the amount of schooling you can pay for. Why does he feel this way? Because women and poor people need to stay in their place and the GOP is hell bent on taking away any option we have to do anything to advance beyond poverty and the kitchen. And yet so many women, so many poor people, continue to defend them like slaves defending Jefferson Davis just...because...they are not Obama. Make sense to you because it sure as hell doesn't make a bit of sense to me!

Now, on a completely different note....Tropical Storm Isaac, which is expected to become Hurricane Isaac in no time, is most likely going to hit New Orleans either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. Wednesday is the 7th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina which also began as a tropical storm headed for Florida that changed course and became a hurricane before touching down in New Orleans so I, and many others I am sure, am experiencing a very unpleasant deja vu sensation right now. I plan to do a post Wednesday about that terrible event so I won't say too much about New Orleans and that storm now. What I will say is that regardless of who you pray to please pray for New Orleans, that the people get out safe, and that the damage, if it hits, will be very little. The people there have suffered enough, they've lost enough, and that wound is still so fresh. The city itself has lost enough. It is too precious, too beautiful, to be lost or to endure anymore. There is no other city in this country like Nawlins, baby. Whether people realize it or not, we need its Southern charm. So pray that it's safe, that the people and the pets are safe. 







Friday, August 17, 2012

Woodstock

Woodstock 1969 has successfully held its own for the past forty-three years as one of the most, if not the most, iconic moment in rock history. It started out like many of the festivals of the time. Three days of music with 200,000 tickets up for grabs making that the maximum amount of people that would show up. There was some trouble getting the bands lined up and, more importantly, finding a place to have it but by August 14th everything was in order for the show. By the time the first band took the stage the next day it was apparent that there were far more people there than those who had purchased tickets and eventually, when the flow of the crowd could not be stopped, the concert became a free show that was witnessed by a crowd of anywhere from 400,000 to 500,000 people. In a field in a small town in New York half a million people sat through rain, lack of food and water at times, a scare with brown acid (It wasn't poison though...Wavy Gravy assured everyone of that...and of course it could be tried but perhaps one should only take half a tab), and less than great conditions with the "portable outhouses" to see some of the greatest bands of the time take the stage and to experience something that could never be recreated (no matter how many times MTV tried). Why was it so big? I mean, it wasn't the only show of its kind as far as the length and the bands went. It ended up being free, yes, but it didn't start out that way. The set up was much the same as Monterey two years before it. Was it because so many people were there to witness it, people who eventually had children and then grandchildren that got to hear the stories of those magical three and a half days in Bethel, New York? Maybe. Was it because it was perhaps the last beautiful moment of the '60's and the hippie era in many respects? Could be. But I, for one, don't watch the film or read the stories or look at the pictures and wonder why it was so beautiful, so amazing. I just accept that it was. For one weekend a half a million kids stoned on drugs of all types had themselves a great fucking time and they hurt no one. Half a million people shared a field and instead of battling when things got tough they stuck together. To me, that and the amazing music is all that matters.

I wasn't at the show...at least not in this life. But in a way it changed my life. You see the title of this blog? The 'hippie' might have never been a part of it, and of me, if I hadn't been flipping through channels in June of 1999 and paused for just a moment on a woman singing in such a way that I hit record immediately to capture whatever it was that was on. The woman, of course, was Janis Joplin and the show that was on was the last forty minutes of Woodstock the Director's Cut. That day, in that moment, two important things happened to me. I fell in love with Janis and I decide that hippies, those strange people I had heard about all of my life but had never watched before, were MY kind of people. The clothes, the music, the fact that all of them were fucking crazy enough to go sleep in a field to hear bands they loved...to my twelve year old mind they were the coolest group of people I had ever laid eyes on. And I wanted more.

In time I would find many bands of that time that I love. I would get everything Janis Joplin ever put out. I would fall in love with Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix. And I would write a book about that time and about the fall of its ideals, a book I am still trying to get published and will, I think, one day (hopefully soon). And when I do, any success I ever have from it will all be traced back to that one day when I was looking for something to watch and I found a moment in time that has touched the lives of more than the half a million people who were there. 

I had planned on posting the links to the version of Woodstock, The Director's Cut that I had found on youtube but unfortunately it's been removed. However, if you don't mind watching it very small, I did find a link for a blog post that has the show embedded in its entirety. So, if you are interested, the link is
http://youandianddominoes.wordpress.com/2009/05/22/woodstock-the-directors-cut-documental-online/

If you don't want to see the whole show, I will post some videos of what, to me, where the greatest bands that played starting with Canned Heat's Going Up the Country:








I saved the best for last. ;) Yep, thirteen years later and I am still quite partial to that performance. What can I say? Normal people with normal lives never forget the moment they met their first love. I will take to my grave the first time I saw Janis Joplin sing Work Me Lord at Woodstock with every bit as much fondness and love. haha

Eventually everyone at the show went home and reality came to the whole scene in many ways. Altamont, the deaths of the three of the biggest names in the music scene, the deaths of many more to drugs, the war, and dreams that couldn't be maintained for long, and the truth that until the whole world hopped on the bus there was no way to make a moment like Woodstock last beyond that weekend. BUT for three days there was true magic, music, peace, and a fucking rocking good time. So no matter what people might think of it all now, it was not wasted and it will never be forgotten. :) 







Thursday, August 9, 2012

Stop, Hey, What's That Sound....

This is going to be a rant. If you are not interested in hearing me rant I completely understand and I hope that next week I will have a lighter topic for you all. But this happy hippie witch has had it up to her pointed hat with hypocrites. Hypocrites in the government (local, state, and federal), hypocrites in the many many factions that have formed in this country...hypocrites all over the damned place. I have...had...it! What started this? Well, many things actually. Seeing the hypocritical bullshit over and over again, particularly in the past two years, but today, specifically, it was this (taken fromhttp://thinkprogress.org/justice/2012/08/09/662851/missouri-right-to-pray-amendment-will-allow-creationists-to-refuse-to-study-evolution/?mobile=nc 

Missouri ‘Right To Pray’ Amendment Will Allow Creationists To Refuse To Study Evolution

Earlier this week, Missouri’s Amendment 2 ballot measure — dubbed the “right to pray” amendment — passed the state legislature with 83 percent of the vote. The amendment’s backers claim it puts important protections in place for Missouri’s Christians, who they say are often “public targets” despite the fact that Christians currently represent 80 percent of the state’s population.
The ballot language said the amendment will ensure religious liberty by allowing Missouri school children to express their beliefs openly in school and permitting state-funded schools to publicly display the Bill of Rights, both expressions that are already protected. In advance of the vote, the American Civil Liberties Union called the summary on the ballot “misleading because all people in Missouri currently enjoy very robust protections of their religious liberties” under both the state constitution and the U.S. Constitution.
Amendment 2 isn’t simply a superfluous reinforcement of existing protections, however. Although the ballot summary did not explicitly mention the section of the amendment that far oversteps the precedent of the separation between church and state, the “right to pray” amendment will also allow students to refuse to participate in any school assignments they believe violate their religious beliefs.
The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that advocacy and legal groups are already gearing up to fight against the new amendment:
“This was misleading in its presentation and possibly unconstitutional in its application, so now we’re headed for the courts,” said Karen Aroesty of the Anti-Defamation League of Missouri and Southern Illinois. “We’ll let the next branch of the democratic process do its part, and I suspect a case will be on file pretty soon.”
Critics have warned the amendment will indeed open the door to taxpayer-funded lawsuits.
“This is going to be a nightmare for school districts, which will end up getting sued by individuals on both sides of church-state debate,” said Alex Luchenitser, associate legal director for Americans United for the Separation of Church and State. “This is the most far-out constitutional amendment we’ve seen in the church-state area.”
The ACLU warns that giving students the power to reject any part of their academic assignments represents a “truly profound change in educational law” that will “adversely affect the quality of education in Missouri.” However, it is filing suit over yet another problematic aspect of the far-reaching law: while the amendment strengthens religious protections for students in state-funded schools and legislators on government property, it actually lessens the religious freedom of the state’s inmates, stripping prisoners of their state constitutional protections for religious expression.
States like Tennessee, Indiana, Oklahoma, New Hampshire, and Missouri have also moved toward allowing students to pursue religiously-based education in public schools, such as creationism or intelligent design in science classes. Louisiana’s Department of Education is currently under fire for funneling state funds into religious schools with Bible-based curricula.
So what does this have to do with hypocrites? Great question. Most of the fuckers pushing for the removal of science from SCIENCE classes in PUBLIC schools are the same fuckers who want to throw the constitution in every body's faces when they imagine up a new gun control law that hasn't even be actually...ya know...mentioned by lawmakers. Ok...correct me if I am wrong but our constitution was set up to protect American citizens from their nation being ruled by ANY religion, correct? That whole separation of church and state thing? Also, if I am not mistaken, if you want your children to be taught religion instead of science are there not options like home schooling and private Christian schools? I thought so. Now, I do not own a gun. I do not like guns. I will never ever own one because for me, personally, they are a risk I do not want to take. However, I completely support the right of others in this nation to keep their guns. (With the exception of semi-automatic weapons. There is no reason to have those for personal use ever.) There are many reasons why I support this including the fact that the reason why this was so important to our forefathers was because they had lived under English rule and they knew that when only the government and people associated with the government had guns, the balance of power was tipped in the favor of government and they never wanted that. And...oh yes...I am NOT a hypocrite who only takes out what I like from the constitution while denying or stripping away rights disregarding the parts that do not interest me.
Now, let's look at this bullshit in Missouri from a practical stand point. If the children in the state hope to go to college, do you know how hard that will be when they are attempting to do college biology ( a required course) without any knowledge of evolution and high school biology? And if they decide to be psych majors like yours truly, after they finish their standard biology class they can then look forward to two bio-psychology classes and a class in evolutionary psychology. And that is just to get your bachelor's. If they want to be medical doctors? Good luck with that. The concept of taking out real scientific knowledge for religion, anybody's religion, turns my stomach. If I walked into my child's science class and I heard the teacher telling my kid how the Goddess danced around and created the cosmos, I would have my kid out of there before you can say 'Blessed be'. Because even if that is part of the general creation myth for Wiccans, it has no business in a classroom. Neither do Bible teachings. Hell, science can back up magic. Yes, yes it can. Physics tells us that there are billions of particles of energy floating around in the universe that has no purpose and if you find a way to direct it, you can use it. So, find a way to direct it and...Viola! You have a spell. No shit. But that doesn't mean that I want my high-school kid taught physics in that way. Because that is a personal choice I expect any kid I raise to make on their own when they become old enough. Not only that, in an academic setting such knowledge cannot be applied in the future. Therefore, it has no purpose in a PUBLIC school. In addition to all of this, even if they have no plans to allow an option where the creation myth is taught in place of evolution in a public school, even if it is just that the kids can opt out of the class....do you think colleges are going to allow them such an option when they try to work on degrees? Hell no. So by allowing, encouraging, or demanding that your child not learn about evolution, a very important part of biology which is a science they will need in higher education settings, you are doing harm to your kid's future. And by a state allowing this they have crossed the line between church and state...a line that is very clearly drawn in a document that apparently those who shout about it the loudest don't actually give a fuck about, and to the detriment of  the kids attempting to get an education.
I am not "moral" in the traditional sense. I do not give a damn what a person does with his or her sex life so long as no one is getting hurt and it doesn't directly affect me. I am not bothered by who a person loves. I think cussing is the second language I was born to be fluent in, I don't stay in my place, and you will never see me at church every Sunday. I have but one thing that guides me morally. That whatever you do in this life is your business as long as you don't intentionally hurt someone. And I stand by that with everything I am. I do not break it. And I will not stand by and watch as it is broken by someone else, even if the bending or breaking of that rule would somehow be to my advantage. (Say, for instance, that it was suddenly decided that writers would control everything in the nation the way fat cat bankers currently do...that some people would starve, others would die from lack of insurance, because they were not writers. I would not participate in nor would I stand back and watch that even though this new rule would put me on top) I don't expect that the entire world think like me. That would be fucking scary. Nor do I expect everyone to stick to their guns one hundred percent of the time. My sense of justice (right and wrong) is very strong. I can't help it. However, when you are constantly being a fucking hypocrite, when you don't even believe the bullshit you are saying or supporting, but you are doing it because it goes along with someone else's agenda? I have no more patience left for that shit. That thinking is literally destroying fifty years worth of progress that was gained through blood, sweat, and tears because somehow somewhere along the way people got it in their heads that hate should become the force that drives them. Why?
People like me? We don't want to take away your rights. We just want our own rights upheld as they are supposed to be. The major backtracking slowly into the beginning of the 20th century now that we've done in two short years is disgusting. We are back to women having to fight to be equal, we are still watching homosexuals fight like hell to be treated like every other homosapien, and now we are back to 1930 trying to justify why science should be taught in a science class? Of course...why not destroy science altogether? That would be even better for the narrow minded, wouldn't it? It is the link that proves we are, as humans, the same more or less (at least in DNA...though there are slight variances of course), it taught us the scientific answers for the superstitions that controlled people once, and it single-handedly provided proof for things like evolution while the theory of religion alone has presented the same lack of proof throughout the centuries. But for me, that's ok. I have my scientific knowledge and my religious soul. I can have both. Millions of others in America pull it off too. If you cannot, perhaps you should start questioning your faith in God instead of  trying to destroy what a child needs to know to succeed in life. Because the reason I can have both is that I am very firm in my religious beliefs. To me, anyone secure with their path would not feel this damned threatened by facts. So work your own shit out. And lay off education. Because it is through education as a whole that lives are changed for the better. 
Have a beautiful week, blogger people. And again, I hope to have something lighter for next week's chat. :)
                                   I think this song is highly appropriate for this topic. Not the imagery. That was Manson getting attention from the people who, at that time, were standing outside his shows telling everyone coming in that they were going to hell. No...for the chorus that seems to so perfectly sum up the current mood. :) 'Do you love your guns, god, and government...fuck yeah!' 



Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Once in a Blue Moon...(Blessed Lughnasadh!)

It's officially August, folks. In the last week I was nearly unable to start my new class, my jump drive broke with my final on it, my cousin nearly died, and I have contracted a sinus infection in the middle of summer. Do I see this as a sign that the bad juju of August started early? You betcha! lol But I'm still holding out hope...hope that the blue moon coming at the end of this month will somehow spread good vibes into these days typically not known (in my world anyway) for having luck of the good variety. Miracles happen once in a blue moon, right? Well, I am hoping that turns out to be more than a mere expression.
Today in the northern hemisphere Wiccans (most Pagans actually...as far as I know) are celebrating both the first full moon of the month and Lammas/Lughnasadh. Technically speaking, this is the half way point between summer and fall. This is the first of three harvest festivals (Lughnasadh, Mabon, and Samhain) and in the days of old it was the festival of Lugh, the Celtic God of the sun. Christians eventually adopted the day and renamed it Lammas. Here is a little more information about the day coming fromhttp://wicca.com/celtic/akasha/lammas.htm:
 At Lammas, sometimes called Lughnasadh, it's time to celebrate the first harvest of the year, and recognize that the hot summer days will soon come to an end.   The plants of spring wither and drop seeds to ensure future crops. Grains are ready to be harvested and the fruits are ripe for picking.  We can give thanks for the food on our tables.
Lughnasadh means the funeral games of Lugh (pronounced Loo), referring to Lugh, the sun god. However, the funeral is not his own, but the funeral games he hosts in honor of his foster-mother Tailte. For that reason, the traditional Tailtean craft fairs and Tailtean marriages (which last for a year and a day) are also celebrated at this time.

As autumn begins, the Celtic Sun God enters his old age, but is not yet dead. The God symbolically loses some of his strength as the Sun rises farther in the South each day and the nights grow longer.

The Christian religion adopted this theme and called it 'Lammas ', meaning 'loaf-mass ', a time when newly baked loaves of bread are placed on the altar. An alternative date around August 5 (Old Lammas), when the sun reaches 15 degrees Leo, is sometimes employed by Covens. 


Traditional Foods:Apples, Grains, Breads and Berries. 

Herbs and Flowers:All Grains, Grapes, Heather, Blackberries, Sloe, Crab Apples, Pears. 

Incense:Aloes, Rose, Sandalwood. 

Sacred Gemstone:Carnelian. 

Special Activities:As summer passes, many Pagans celebrate this time to remember its warmth and bounty in a celebrated feast shared with family or Coven members. Save and plant the seeds from the fruits consumed during the feast or ritual. If they sprout, grow the plant or tree with love and as a symbol of your connection with the Lord and Lady. Walk through the fields and orchards or spend time along springs, creeks, rivers, ponds and lakes reflecting on the bounty and love of the Lord and Lady. 

So dance, feast, and be merry today. Be grateful for the gifts of the first harvest, whatever form it may take in your life, and look forward to the beautiful season of autumn. If August is usually a bad month for you as it is for me and other people I know, try to smile anyway. Who knows, maybe this year it will surprise us. Have a beautiful week everyone!


The Rigs O'Barley By Robert Burns:
It was upon a Lammas night, 
When corn rigs are bonnie, 
Beneath the moon's unclouded light, 
I held away to Annie: 
The time flew by wi' tentless heed 
Till 'tween the late and early, 
Wi' sma' persuasion, she agreed 
To see me thro' the barley. 
Corn rigs, an' barley rigs, 
An' corn rigs are bonnie: 
I'll ne'er forget that happy night, 
Amang the rigs wi' Annie. 

The sky was blue, the wind was still, 
The moon was shining clearly: 
I set her down, wi' right good will, 
Amang the rigs o' barley: 
I ken't her heart was a' my ain: 
I lov'd her most sincerely; 
I kiss'd her owre and owre again, 
Amang the rigs o' barley. 
Corn rigs an' barley rigs,
An' corn rigs are bonnie:
I'll ne'er forget that happy night,
Amang the rigs wi' Annie.

I lock'd her in my fond embrace; 
Her heart was beating rarely: 
My blessings on that happy place, 
Amang the rigs o' barley! 
But by the moon and stars so bright, 
That shone that hour so clearly! 
She aye shall bless that happy night, 
Amang the rigs o' barley. 
Corn rigs an' barley rigs,
An' corn rigs are bonnie:
I'll ne'er forget that happy night,
Amang the rigs wi' Annie.

I ha'e been blythe wi' comrades dear; 
I ha'e been merry drinkin'; 
I ha'e been joyfu' gatherin' gear; 
I ha'e been happy thinkin': 
But a' the pleasures e'er I saw, 
Tho' three times doubled fairly, 
That happy night was worth then a', 
Amang the rigs o' barley. 
Corn rigs, an' barley rigs,
An' corn rigs are bonnie:
I'll ne'er forget that happy night,
Amang the rigs wi' Annie.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

A Big Step Back To Try to Move Forward

I have made a big jump today. After a few months of internal debate, I've removed Castles Made of Sand from amazon.com. I have also deleted my accounts associated with the book and I have laid to rest the blog associated with it. Why the hell would I do such a thing? Because the reason I self-published, as I've said since day one, was to catch the attention of an agent. Not only is this not working, it turns out that self-publishing might actually be counter-productive to that goal. I still completely one hundred percent support and respect the amazing friends I have made in the self-published community of authors. I am very grateful for the friendship I found with all of them because before I joined these communities online I had never had friends who were writers and I adore hearing how their work is progressing and seeing them succeed. That has not changed one bit. Unless you are a self-published author, you have no idea how hard these amazing authors work to promote their writing and to realize their dreams. I am simply at a place where I am ready to query agents for Castles again instead. And thanks to my year as a self-published writer, I finally got to experience the joy of knowing strangers had read and enjoyed my work. I also sold over one hundred copies which is more than I ever expected even if it isn't much to some. That is what I remember when those rejection letters get me down. So thank you to everyone who bought the book and if anyone out there is interested in it, I gave away nearly as many copies as I sold anyway. As long as you don't mind reading it in Word format, drop me a line. :)


In addition to this decision I finally made I am still querying agents for Rapunzel. It is going to be a full time job keeping this shit straight. haha


I've done a lot of writing this past week. I blame that for the fact that I am only half way through Stephen King's 11/22/1963. It's an amazing read so far. When I have found time to read it I find myself falling asleep with it in my hands because I don't want to put it down. It's even better than I imagined it would be. And I recommend it to all of you King fans out there who haven't read it yet. 


In the world of music, I have discovered an artist that will probably interest anyone who likes cello music, especially dark cello music. His name is Adam Hurst and his music is heavily influencing my writing right now. He's absolutely amazing. His music touches the soul, it sparks the imagination, it is everything great music should be. And with just one man and his instrument he creates this stuff that is completely mind blowing. Here, listen for yourself. No, really, I insist...


One more? Sure, why not.
Pretty great, huh? And I found him completely by accident. That is the beauty of youtube. Not only do they provide you with your favorite old songs, they can also show you your favorite new songs if you are like me and you don't exactly dig the current popular music scene. haha 


And that in a nutshell is what I've been up to for the past week. Reading, writing, and undoing my internet "career" of sorts. haha I figure I should get the latter out of the way before August rolls in. The worst month of the year for me is just around the corner and because of its usual theme (namely that anything that can go wrong will go wrong during those 31 days) I tend to hug the wall during August as opposed to trying anything new or drastic. Have a great week, my blogger friends. Remember each day to smile :)







Friday, July 13, 2012

It's Friday the 13th!

Happy Friday the 13th, my blogger friends. If you suffer from friggatriskaidekaphobia or a fear of Friday the 13th then I apologize. Today is probably a very unpleasant day for you. If you are part of the Knights Templar and you've somehow happened upon this despite being present in the year 1307, I imagine today is unpleasant for you as well. For me it is sometimes an excuse to watch horror movies all day. Not because I have any superstitious fear of the date but rather because any chance to have a mini-Halloween ahead schedule is an opportunity I am not capable of passing up. Because this is the third and final Friday the 13th of 2012 I may end up doing just that today. 


Before I go into more goodies for the day, I want to share some recommendations with you for some great forms of entertainment I have happened upon recently. First and foremost, the movie The Raven. For any Poe fans out there, I strongly recommend that you see this as soon as it comes out on DVD. This movie is amazing. John Cusack nailed Poe perfectly in my opinion and whoever concocted the concepts behind the murders correlating to the stories did a very good job of bringing these gruesome scenes to "life". This movie is mentally stimulating and that, to me, is the biggest gift it had to offer. Let's face it: in our society we do not see much in the mainstream forms of entertainment that can wear such a title. I am not sure when it will be released on DVD (It opened in movie theaters on April 27th) but it is available for pre-order from that evil website otherwise known as amazon.com. :) I have recently returned to reading, something I accidentally took a six-month break from for the first time since I was six because every time I try to read it seems like my mind wanders everywhere but the story. However, I am putting my foot down...mainly because if I do not read I will soon go insane. Anyway, I am currently reading Anne Rice's book The Wolf Gift. This is her latest work. It was released in February of this year and if you like werewolves or you are like me and you normally are not fond of wares but you are very fond of Anne, I highly recommend this. In many ways this is her best work since Blackwood Farm. I also picked up Stephen King's latest novel from the library so hopefully I can give you all the scoop on it soon.


Now...back to this strange day that people are frightened of but few known why...
Part of the bad reputation for Friday the 13th seems to come from a time in 1307 on that date that Knights Templar's were attacked and tortured/massacred by minions for the French Government. However, the superstition is actually no more than about one hundred years old. So maybe it has more to do with the fact that our religious ancestors saw Friday as a day of bad luck (lest we not forget what day Jesus was killed...) and the number 13 has had a bad reputation since ancient times in almost all known ancient cultures. The combination of these two would no doubt seem highly unfavorable to people who believed very much in luck, both good and bad. I myself never believed in superstitions for the most part even as a child (Ironic I know...I believe in magick, faeries, even good men although I've only seen one once and he ran into the woods before I could catch him...but not superstitions) but until I was about 13 (no shit) I seemed to always have something bad happen to me on this date. Usually it was sickness. And that can be chalked up to the fact that I was sick most of the time I was a kid. So I honestly see it as a coincidence. But whether you believe in the hype about it or not, it is kind of fun to wonder. I know black cats can do me no harm. My most beloved pet until recently was a black cat. I have walked under many ladders and no bad intent seemed to follow me after that. Because I am clumsy, if the stories were true, I've racked up about....2,000 years worth of bad luck for all of the mirrors I've broken (That explains alot..actually...)...but until the day I die there could always be the chance that Friday the 13th will reach up and bite me in the ass making me a solid believer. Hey, stranger things have happened.


And keeping in the spirit of superstition and as a nod to Poe I have a special treat for the two or three people on the planet who have never read this story...and the many who have read it over and over again and still love every word. Can you guess what it might be? Of course you can....

Without further ado....
(By the way, I mean no copyright harm by posting this story. I tried to reach Mr. Poe for permission but I think he's out on a binge again. :) )

The Black Cat
For the most wild, yet most homely narrative which I am about to pen, I neither expect nor solicit belief. Mad indeed would I be to expect it, in a case where my very senses reject their own evidence. Yet, mad am I not --and very surely do I not dream. But to-morrow I die, and to-day I would unburden my soul. My immediate purpose is to place before the world, plainly, succinctly, and without comment, a series of mere household events. In their consequences, these events have terrified --have tortured --have destroyed me. Yet I will not attempt to expound them. To me, they have presented little but Horror --to many they will seem less terrible than baroques. Hereafter, perhaps, some intellect may be found which will reduce my phantasm to the common-place --some intellect more calm, more logical, and far less excitable than my own, which will perceive, in the circumstances I detail with awe, nothing more than an ordinary succession of very natural causes and effects.
From my infancy I was noted for the docility and humanity of my disposition. My tenderness of heart was even so conspicuous as to make me the jest of my companions. I was especially fond of animals, and was indulged by my parents with a great variety of pets. With these I spent most of my time, and never was so happy as when feeding and caressing them. This peculiar of character grew with my growth, and in my manhood, I derived from it one of my principal sources of pleasure. To those who have cherished an affection for a faithful and sagacious dog, I need hardly be at the trouble of explaining the nature or the intensity of the gratification thus derivable. There is something in the unselfish and self-sacrificing love of a brute, which goes directly to the heart of him who has had frequent occasion to test the paltry friendship and gossamer fidelity of mere Man.
I married early, and was happy to find in my wife a disposition not uncongenial with my own. Observing my partiality for domestic pets, she lost no opportunity of procuring those of the most agreeable kind. We had birds, gold fish, a fine dog, rabbits, a small monkey, and a cat. This latter was a remarkably large and beautiful animal, entirely black, and sagacious to an astonishing degree. In speaking of his intelligence, my wife, who at heart was not a little tinctured with superstition, made frequent allusion to the ancient popular notion, which regarded all black cats as witches in disguise. Not that she was ever serious upon this point--and I mention the matter at all for no better reason than that it happens, just now, to be remembered.
Pluto--this was the cat's name--was my favorite pet and playmate. I alone fed him, and he attended me wherever I went about the house. It was even with difficulty that I could prevent him from following me through the streets.
Our friendship lasted, in this manner, for several years, during which my general temperament and character--through the instrumentality of the Fiend Intemperance --had (I blush to confess it) experienced a radical alteration for the worse. I grew, day by day, more moody, more irritable, more regardless of the feelings of others. I grew, day by day, more moody, more irritable, more regardless of the feelings of others. I suffered myself to use intemperate language to my wife. At length, I even offered her personal violence. My pets, of course, were made to feel the change in my disposition. I not only neglected, but ill-used them. For Pluto, however, I still retained sufficient regard to restrain me from maltreating him, as I made no scruple of maltreating the rabbits, the monkey, or even the dog, when by accident, or through affection, they came in my way. But my disease grew upon me--for what disease is like Alcohol!--and at length even Pluto, who was now becoming old, and consequently somewhat peevish--even Pluto began to experience the effects of my ill temper.
One night, returning home, much intoxicated, from one of my haunts about town, I fancied that the cat avoided my presence. I seized him; when, in his fright at my violence, he inflicted a slight wound upon my hand with his teeth. The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. My original soul seemed, at once, to take its flight from my body; and a more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrilled every fiber of my frame. I took from my waistcoat-pocket a pen-knife, opened it, grasped the poor beast by the throat, and deliberately cut one of its eyes from the socket! I blush, I burn, I shudder, while I pen the damnable atrocity.
When reason returned with the morning --when I had slept off the fumes of the night's debauch--I experienced a sentiment half of horror, half of remorse, for the crime of which I had been guilty; but it was, at best, a feeble and equivocal feeling, and the soul remained untouched. I again plunged into excess, and soon drowned in wine all memory of the deed.
In the meantime the cat slowly recovered. The socket of the lost eye presented, it is true, a frightful appearance, but he no longer appeared to suffer any pain. He went about the house as usual, but, as might be expected, fled in extreme terror at my approach. I had so much of my old heart left, as to be at first grieved by this evident dislike on the part of a creature which had once so loved me. But this feeling soon gave place to irritation. And then came, as if to my final and irrevocable overthrow, the spirit of PERVERSENESS. Of this spirit philosophy takes no account. Yet I am not more sure that my soul lives, than I am that perverseness is one of the primitive impulses of the human heart--one of the indivisible primary faculties, or sentiments, which give direction to the character of Man. Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or a silly action, for no other reason than because he knows he should not? Have we not a perpetual inclination, in the teeth of our best judgment, to violate that which is Law, merely because we understand it to be such? This spirit of perverseness, I say, came to my final overthrow. It was this unfathomable longing of the soul to vex itself--to offer violence to its own nature--to do wrong for the wrong's sake only--that urged me to continue and finally to consummate the injury I had inflicted upon the unoffending brute. One morning, in cool blood, I slipped a noose about its neck and hung it to the limb of a tree; --hung it with the tears streaming from my eyes, and with the bitterest remorse at my heart;--hung it because I knew that it had loved me, and because I felt it had given me no reason of offense; --hung it because I knew that in so doing I was committing a sin--a deadly sin that would so jeopardize my immortal soul as to place it--if such a thing were possible--even beyond the reach of the infinite mercy of the Most Merciful and Most Terrible God.
On the night of the day on which this cruel deed was done, I was aroused from sleep by the cry of fire. The curtains of my bed were in flames. The whole house was blazing. It was with great difficulty that my wife, a servant, and myself, made our escape from the conflagration. The destruction was complete. My entire worldly wealth was swallowed up, and I resigned myself thenceforward to despair. I am above the weakness of seeking to establish a sequence of cause and effect, between the disaster and the atrocity. But I am detailing a chain of facts --and wish not to leave even a possible link imperfect. On the day succeeding the fire, I visited the ruins. The walls, with one exception, had fallen in. This exception was found in a compartment wall, not very thick, which stood about the middle of the house, and against which had rested the head of my bed. The plastering had here, in great measure, resisted the action of the fire --a fact which I attributed to its having been recently spread. About this wall a dense crowd were collected, and many persons seemed to be examining a particular portion of it with every minute and eager attention. The words "strange!" "singular!" and other similar expressions, excited my curiosity. I approached and saw, as if graven in bas relief upon the white surface, the figure of a gigantic cat. The impression was given with an accuracy truly marvelous. There was a rope about the animal's neck.
When I first beheld this apparition --for I could scarcely regard it as less --my wonder and my terror were extreme. But at length reflection came to my aid. The cat, I remembered, had been hung in a garden adjacent to the house. Upon the alarm of fire, this garden had been immediately filled by the crowd --by some one of whom the animal must have been cut from the tree and thrown, through an open window, into my chamber. This had probably been done with the view of arousing me from sleep. The falling of other walls had compressed the victim of my cruelty into the substance of the freshly-spread plaster; the lime of which, had then with the flames, and the ammonia from the carcass, accomplished the portraiture as I saw it.
Although I thus readily accounted to my reason, if not altogether to my conscience, for the startling fact 'just detailed, it did not the less fall to make a deep impression upon my fancy. For months I could not rid myself of the phantasm of the cat; and, during this period, there came back into my spirit a half-sentiment that seemed, but was not, remorse. I went so far as to regret the loss of the animal, and to look about me, among the vile haunts which I now habitually frequented, for another pet of the same species, and of somewhat similar appearance, with which to supply its place.
One night as I sat, half stupefied, in a den of more than infamy, my attention was suddenly drawn to some black object, reposing upon the head of one of the immense hogsheads of Gin, or of Rum, which constituted the chief furniture of the apartment. I had been looking steadily at the top of this hogshead for some minutes, and what now caused me surprise was the fact that I had not sooner perceived the object thereupon. I approached it, and touched it with my hand. It was a black cat --a very large one --fully as large as Pluto, and closely resembling him in every respect but one. Pluto had not a white hair upon any portion of his body; but this cat had a large, although indefinite splotch of white, covering nearly the whole region of the breast.
Upon my touching him, he immediately arose, purred loudly, rubbed against my hand, and appeared delighted with my notice. This, then, was the very creature of which I was in search. I at once offered to purchase it of the landlord; but this person made no claim to it --knew nothing of it --had never seen it before. I continued my caresses, and, when I prepared to go home, the animal evinced a disposition to accompany me. I permitted it to do so; occasionally stooping and patting it as I proceeded. When it reached the house it domesticated itself at once, and became immediately a great favorite with my wife.
For my own part, I soon found a dislike to it arising within me. This was just the reverse of what I had anticipated; but I know not how or why it was --its evident fondness for myself rather disgusted and annoyed. By slow degrees, these feelings of disgust and annoyance rose into the bitterness of hatred. I avoided the creature; a certain sense of shame, and the remembrance of my former deed of cruelty, preventing me from physically abusing it. I did not, for some weeks, strike, or otherwise violently ill use it; but gradually --very gradually --I came to look upon it with unutterable loathing, and to flee silently from its odious presence, as from the breath of a pestilence.
What added, no doubt, to my hatred of the beast, was the discovery, on the morning after I brought it home, that, like Pluto, it also had been deprived of one of its eyes. This circumstance, however, only endeared it to my wife, who, as I have already said, possessed, in a high degree, that humanity of feeling which had once been my distinguishing trait, and the source of many of my simplest and purest pleasures.
With my aversion to this cat, however, its partiality for myself seemed to increase. It followed my footsteps with a pertinacity which it would be difficult to make the reader comprehend. Whenever I sat, it would crouch beneath my chair, or spring upon my knees, covering me with its loathsome caresses. If I arose to walk it would get between my feet and thus nearly throw me down, or, fastening its long and sharp claws in my dress, clamber, in this manner, to my breast. At such times, although I longed to destroy it with a blow, I was yet withheld from so doing, partly it at by a memory of my former crime, but chiefly --let me confess it at once --by absolute dread of the beast.
This dread was not exactly a dread of physical evil-and yet I should be at a loss how otherwise to define it. I am almost ashamed to own --yes, even in this felon's cell, I am almost ashamed to own --that the terror and horror with which the animal inspired me, had been heightened by one of the merest chimeras it would be possible to conceive. My wife had called my attention, more than once, to the character of the mark of white hair, of which I have spoken, and which constituted the sole visible difference between the strange beast and the one I had destroyed. The reader will remember that this mark, although large, had been originally very indefinite; but, by slow degrees--degrees nearly imperceptible, and which for a long time my Reason struggled to reject as fanciful--it had, at length, assumed a rigorous distinctness of outline. It was now the representation of an object that I shudder to name --and for this, above all, I loathed, and dreaded, and would have rid myself of the monster had I dared --it was now, I say, the image of a hideous--of a ghastly thing --of the GALLOWS!--oh, mournful and terrible engine of Horror and of Crime--of Agony and of Death!
And now was I indeed wretched beyond the wretchedness of mere Humanity. And a brute beast --whose fellow I had contemptuously destroyed --a brute beast to work out for me --for me a man, fashioned in the image of the High God --so much of insufferable woe! Alas! neither by day nor by night knew I the blessing of Rest any more! During the former the creature left me no moment alone; and, in the latter, I started, hourly, from dreams of unutterable fear, to find the hot breath of the thing upon my face, and its vast weight --an incarnate Night-Mare that I had no power to shake off --incumbent eternally upon my heart!
Beneath the pressure of torments such as these, the feeble remnant of the good within me succumbed. Evil thoughts became my sole intimates--the darkest and most evil of thoughts. The moodiness of my usual temper increased to hatred of all things and of all mankind; while, from the sudden, frequent, and ungovernable outbursts of a fury to which I now blindly abandoned myself, my uncomplaining wife, alas! was the most usual and the most patient of sufferers.
One day she accompanied me, upon some household errand, into the cellar of the old building which our poverty compelled us to inhabit. The cat followed me down the steep stairs, and, nearly throwing me headlong, exasperated me to madness. Uplifting an axe, and forgetting, in my wrath, the childish dread which had hitherto stayed my hand, I aimed a blow at the animal which, of course, would have proved instantly fatal had it descended as I wished. But this blow was arrested by the hand of my wife. Goaded, by the interference, into a rage more than demonical, I withdrew my arm from her grasp and buried the axe in her brain. She fell dead upon the spot, without a groan.
This hideous murder accomplished, I set myself forthwith, and with entire deliberation, to the task of concealing the body. I knew that I could not remove it from the house, either by day or by night, without the risk of being observed by the neighbors. Many projects entered my mind. At one period I thought of cutting the corpse into minute fragments, and destroying them by fire. At another, I resolved to dig a grave for it in the floor of the cellar. Again, I deliberated about casting it in the well in the yard--about packing it in a box, as if merchandise, with the usual arrangements, and so getting a porter to take it from the house. Finally I hit upon what I considered a far better expedient than either of these. I determined to wall it up in the cellar --as the monks of the middle ages are recorded to have walled up their victims.
For a purpose such as this the cellar was well adapted. Its walls were loosely constructed, and had lately been plastered throughout with a rough plaster, which the dampness of the atmosphere had prevented from hardening. Moreover, in one of the walls was a projection, caused by a false chimney, or fireplace, that had been filled up, and made to resemble the rest of the cellar. I made no doubt that I could readily displace the at this point, insert the corpse, and wall the whole up as before, so that no eye could detect anything suspicious.
And in this calculation I was not deceived. By means of a crow-bar I easily dislodged the bricks, and, having carefully deposited the body against the inner wall, I propped it in that position, while, with little trouble, I re-laid the whole structure as it originally stood. Having procured mortar, sand, and hair, with every possible precaution, I prepared a plaster could not every poss be distinguished from the old, and with this I very carefully went over the new brick-work. When I had finished, I felt satisfied that all was right. The wall did not present the slightest appearance of having been disturbed. The rubbish on the floor was picked up with the minutest care. I looked around triumphantly, and said to myself --"Here at least, then, my labor has not been in vain."
My next step was to look for the beast which had been the cause of so much wretchedness; for I had, at length, firmly resolved to put it to death. Had I been able to meet with it, at the moment, there could have been no doubt of its fate; but it appeared that the crafty animal had been alarmed at the violence of my previous anger, and forbore to present itself in my present mood. It is impossible to describe, or to imagine, the deep, the blissful sense of relief which the absence of the detested creature occasioned in my bosom. It did not make its appearance during the night --and thus for one night at least, since its introduction into the house, I soundly and tranquilly slept; aye, slept even with the burden of murder upon my soul!
The second and the third day passed, and still my tormentor came not. Once again I breathed as a free-man. The monster, in terror, had fled the premises forever! I should behold it no more! My happiness was supreme! The guilt of my dark deed disturbed me but little. Some few inquiries had been made, but these had been readily answered. Even a search had been instituted --but of course nothing was to be discovered. I looked upon my future felicity as secured.
Upon the fourth day of the assassination, a party of the police came, very unexpectedly, into the house, and proceeded again to make rigorous investigation of the premises. Secure, however, in the inscrutability of my place of concealment, I felt no embarrassment whatever. The officers bade me accompany them in their search. They left no nook or corner unexplored. At length, for the third or fourth time, they descended into the cellar. I quivered not in a muscle. My heart beat calmly as that of one who slumbers in innocence. I walked the cellar from end to end. I folded my arms upon my bosom, and roamed easily to and fro. The police were thoroughly satisfied and prepared to depart. The glee at my heart was too strong to be restrained. I burned to say if but one word, by way of triumph, and to render doubly sure their assurance of my guiltlessness.
"Gentlemen," I said at last, as the party ascended the steps, "I delight to have allayed your suspicions. I wish you all health, and a little more courtesy. By the bye, gentlemen, this --this is a very well constructed house." (In the rabid desire to say something easily, I scarcely knew what I uttered at all.) --"I may say an excellently well constructed house. These walls --are you going, gentlemen? --these walls are solidly put together"; and here, through the mere frenzy of bravado, I rapped heavily, with a cane which I held in my hand, upon that very portion of the brick-work behind which stood the corpse of the wife of my bosom.
But may God shield and deliver me from the fangs of the Arch-Fiend! No sooner had the reverberation of my blows sunk into silence than I was answered by a voice from within the tomb! --by a cry, at first muffled and broken, like the sobbing of a child, and then quickly swelling into one long, loud, and continuous scream, utterly anomalous and inhuman --a howl --a wailing shriek, half of horror and half of triumph, such as might have arisen only out of hell, conjointly from the throats of the damned in their agony and of the demons that exult in the damnation. Of my own thoughts it is folly to speak. Swooning, I staggered to the opposite wall. For one instant the party upon the stairs remained motionless, through extremity of terror and of awe. In the next, a dozen stout arms were tolling at the wall. It fell bodily. The corpse, already greatly decayed and clotted with gore, stood erect before the eyes of the spectators. Upon its head, with red extended mouth and solitary eye of fire, sat the hideous beast whose craft had seduced me into murder, and whose informing voice had consigned me to the hangman. I had walled the monster up within the tomb!