Saturday, September 28, 2019

To Hell and Back: A Mabon Love Story (The Gods in Therapy)




 Hades sat across from Emily, a surprisingly handsome deity with a serious nature that made him seem sullen. Perhaps he was. Emily could not tell as he had yet to say a word since Hecate brought him into the room. It was getting late in the evening and Emily was gathering her things to go home for the night when the gentle knock on her door announced a walk-in visit from her beloved Matron Goddess. It was the eve of Mabon and Emily was considering taking the Sabbat off to enjoy it fully. It did not feel like Mabon. Not really. The high for the day was eighty three degrees fahrenheit and there was no breeze in sight when she tried to open the windows of her small office earlier in the day. But that was the fault of global warming, the fault of ignorant humans who would destroy their species in order to make the money that only had value because their species declared it so. Whether it felt like autumn or not, at three thirty in the morning when the Sun entered Libra, it indeed would be. That thought filled her mind before the pair walked through her door. Hecate introduced Emily to the God of the Underworld as she would have introduced her to anyone off the street, as if it were no big deal that this God, who was not known for leaving his realm, found himself so troubled that he left in order to talk to a human about whatever it was that was on his mind. As quickly as she came, Hecate left them, promising to return when her nephew was ready to go home even though Emily was sure Hades could go home without her assistance. Now there was nothing to do but wait...and notice how beautiful Hades was. She thought he looked more like Hermes than any deity in Olympus that she met thus far. With his cole black hair and his unusual eyes, a kaleidoscope of colors ranging from blue to green to lavender with yellow swirls tying all of the colors together, he was pale in a pleasing way and he was slight of build but it suited him well. He was also extraordinarily tall, perhaps as tall as six feet and six inches. It was easy for her to see why Persephone was willing to leave her mother and her world behind to have him…
          “You do not truly feel that way, dear girl. It is because of the job I do that you are thinking such things. If you find it difficult to have a love affair with Hermes, you would certainly have many sleepless nights as Queen of the Underworld. I know my wife would say the same. Close your eyes, breathe a deep breath, and I will tell you my story...if you want to hear it.”
         Hades had a kind, soft voice, very soothing to Emily’s soul and, even though she was startled that he read her mind in such a way, Emily found herself doing what he asked. When her mind was clear, she asked him to go on, to explain why he came to her.
        “The reason I came is simple. I am tired of my brother’s lies against me. I am not the villain humans now believe I am. The more people feared death, the easier it was for them to believe the horrible things Zeus said of me. I am also tired of the way his lies hurt my beloved wife. He twisted our beautiful love story into a tale of abuduction and rape and that has always bothered her. I also know now the worst of what he’s done behind my back, the pain he caused a woman I once loved with all of my heart and the only child I ever fathered, and I want him dead. I’ve dealt with his hatred and his cruelty for a very long time and this is the first time I’ve ever been so angry that I could literally kill him myself. He is my youngest brother. I do not wish to carry such hatred. I hope by telling you the truth, I might let go of this terrible fury.”
          Emily opened her eyes, surprised to hear him talk of a woman he loved that was not Persephone. It seemed as if the more she learned of the Gods, the more convoluted the myths seemed, and none were more twisted to benefit one God above the others than the Greek myths. One thing could be said in Zeus’s favor. He was one hell of a PR guy. As this thought passed through her mind, she and Hades smiled at the same time and she knew he once again heard her thoughts. “Would you like to start from the beginning then?” She asked, confused by the combination of unease and perfect calm that Hades’s presence created inside of her. 
          “That would be very nice. Thank you.” For a moment he said nothing as he stared through her as if he were literally looking at memories in his mind. Then he sighed and continued. “I am the oldest of my brothers. It was me and then Poseidon and then Zeus. Our father was a beast of a man, driven mad by his quest to hold on to power. He never wanted to relinquish even a small portion of it to anyone and the only deity he ever backed down to was our Auntie Hecate. During my childhood, she often took me with her on adventures simply to get me away from him. Like Zeus, he was cruel. I hated him. But I wanted him to love me. I felt very alone as I grew up. I felt as if no one loved me except for Hecate, my mother, and my brother. Then my father heard of a prophecy that said one of his children would take his power just as he learned that my mother was pregnant with Zeus. He tried to kill mother in her sleep in order to kill the babe in her womb assuming that child was the one in the prophecy. Auntie Hecate came the next day and she took mother away, hiding her in a place she would not even tell me the location of. For what felt like years, Posiden and I stayed with her, traveling between heaven, Earth, and the Underworld. In those days, she always returned to the Underworld where the Souls of the Lost came to lay down their burdens so they might one day be reborn.”
        “I felt at peace in the Underworld but Posiden hated it. He was afraid of it. So I made up games and I told him stories and I took him away from the river where the souls were kept to the caverns with their crystals and their stones, showing him the beauty of the place without the sorrow. Eventually mother gave birth to the baby she carried and then Auntie Hecate brought her to the Underworld, a realm my father could not enter, to protect her and the child. As soon as I saw Zeus, I fell in love with him. Posiden and I were so close in age. I could not remember him as a babe but Zeus is quite a bit younger than I am and to me, there was never a thing more precious than my dear baby brother. I had no idea how long we would have to hide from the one who sired us but I feared for my tiny baby brother trying to grow in the land of the dead so I kept him close to me, caring for him on our adventures to softer places in that realm as mother told me to do. I fed him and sang to him, I bathed him and taught him to walk. I cherished him. Truly. But I worried for him and so, it seemed, did our Auntie.”
        “One night as the rest of my family slept, I was startled out of slumber by the frustrated cries of Hecate. She was always so kind, so good with us that it seemed unreal to find her beside of the river of the dead weeping in her aggravation saying over and over again that she just needed a little more power...just a little more...to defeat my father. You see, while we were hiding, he was raising an army that sided with him out of fear and Hecate would have but one chance to defeat them all. It seemed like an extraordinary task for anyone, even her. I thought she would lose no matter what she tried. But I have always loved her in a way, I confess, I never loved either of my parents. I knew it was on our behalf that she fought and I felt that, if my father and his army were going to destroy her, they might as well destroy me too. So I sat beside of her at that river I loved with the souls I tried to help when I could and I told her that I would fight with her. At first she refused but as the days went on and father raised more and more power, with the blessing of my mother, she agreed to take me with her.”
        “The night before I left, I said my goodbyes to both of my brothers but, of course, it was harder to say goodbye to my beloved Zeus. He was still so small and we loved one another so much. He cried hysterically as I left and those cries rang in my mind the entire time I was gone. Before the ambush, I thought of those cries and of the love I had for Zeus and I reminded myself again and again that the man who sired us tried to kill that baby I loved so before he even made it into the world. That was how I summoned the anger I needed. That anger, the energy of it, combined with the incredible power of Hecate, destroyed my father and his massive army. I was shocked by our victory. When I said goodbye to my family, I thought it was forever. Zeus was very happy to see me when I returned to the Underworld and mother was very happy with our news. Hecate was the new ruler of all the realms, as she should have been. And she was one hell of a ruler indeed. Each realm knew prosperity and joy thanks to the choices she made. But when my brothers and I grew to be men, she decided she was truly happiest when she was with the women and children of Earth. No one wanted her to relinquish her power completely so it was decided that she would remain the official ruler of each realm but Zeus, Poseidon, and I would each take the responsibility of one realm a piece. Because it was I who helped her defeat father, I was allowed first pick.”
         “I chose the Underworld without having to think on it. That was the realm I most loved. It always was, from my earliest memories of it. The souls there seemed to find comfort in my presence and I was usually able to help them overcome the pain that brought them to the River of Lost Souls in the first place. I saw beauty in that place where none but Hecate had ever seen beauty. But it was also decided that, like my aunt, I would be able to leave whenever I chose.”
        “Before Zeus became a bastard for power, I often went to visit him in Olympus. That was how I met Ashera. I was coming back to the Underworld after visiting Zeus and I decided to stop on earth first to visit with Auntie Hecate. Ashera was with her, this gorgeous creature who was blind but could see and who drank blood but only from those who deserved it. She was absolutely enchanting. She could not live in the sunshine so the idea of the Underworld, a place that is always darker than other realms, was just fine to her. She was my first queen in every way. I loved her with every piece of my being and I wanted to keep her with me for all time. By eating the seeds of the pomegranate, she was able to go back to earth when she wanted to in order to see the few people from the realm of Atlantis that survived with her and to see Hecate. For a time, she and I were happy...really truly happy.”
         Emily was startled to realize the beautiful kaleidoscope eyes she was focused on were filling with tears. Those tears seemed to tear at her heart in a way nothing that came from a patient did before. “When we discovered Ashera was pregnant, we were overjoyed. We did not know how it happened. Vampires do not get pregnant. They never have and they never will. Whether it was made possible because I am a God or whether my Auntie had something to do with it, I still am not sure. But we were impossibly happy. And then one night she went up to the realm of humans...and she never returned. She was big with child and I searched for her. Everywhere in all of the realms I searched. Hecate and other deities joined my search but we never found her. A few months passed and I was told by Hecate that my child was born, that he was taken to Olympus though she wasn’t sure who brought him there. Ashera was still gone and it appeared she was not coming back. Hecate believed she died having the baby because we both knew even if, for some reason, she left me she would have never left that child. Hecate asked me if I wanted my baby to come and live with me. And I did. I wanted that with all of my heart and soul. But I thought on it long and hard and, when she told me Zeus and Hera were taking care of him, I decided it would be best for him if I left him in Olympus with them. This was before I knew the monster my spoiled baby brother had become. To me, he was still that precious baby I once cared for and, as far as I knew, he was a decent father. Hecate assured me that it seemed as if my brother and his wife would be good to my son and I thought Olympus would make a much better home for a child to grow up in than my land of the dead. So even though it hurt me to my core, I did what I thought would be best for my son and I allowed him to grow up surrounded by a large family that loved him.”
          “Though a long time passed, I was still grieving the loss of the little family I once created when Persephone followed Hermes to my realm. I still do not know how she did it. I have always believed that Hermes allowed her to come with him, though the two of them refuse to confirm my suspicion on that. What I do know is that she waited until he left to make herself known to me. She hid in one of the many caverns, investigating the crystals and sleeping on the hard dirt, absorbing the energy of my realm. I don’t believe she knew I could leave. I was shocked when she showed herself, a beautiful naked maiden with long dark brown hair hanging to her legs and the most enchanting eyes I ever saw staring at me with nothing but innocence. Her smile squeezed my heart and made me feel as I only ever felt with Ashera before her. There was a part of me that wanted to bow at her feet and beg her to stay with me forever. But I knew who she was when she told me her name, the only daughter of Demeter, and I did not wish to cause Demeter the pain I felt at losing my only child. So I allowed her to stay only three days and three nights. I showed her every crevice of my realm because she came to appease her incredibly curious nature and I believed that would be the only time she could see it. Between the third night and the fourth morning, I called upon Hecate to take Persephone home to her mother. I confess, I was lonely without her even after that first visit. The memory of her beautiful laughter bouncing off the cavern walls and the scent of wildflowers and sunshine that lingered long after Hecate and I forced her to go was almost unbearably painful for me but I put it out of my mind, knowing she would never come again.”
         “A month later, at the time of the dark moon, she came. Once more she stood before me naked as nothing can be brought into my realm with someone who does not belong there or who cannot travel there alone. Once again her blue green eyes turned blue-black and her red hair turned dark brown. And once more, she begged me to let her stay. This time it was clear that the Underworld was not what she was curious about. I had a few lovers before Ashera, though none that I ever loved, and none of them were maidens. But with my lack of experience in such young women, I was taken aback by how brazen she was with what she wanted from me. She made it quite clear that she wanted kisses and warm embraces. It took all of my self control to restrain myself from giving her exactly what she wanted. My hands ached to touch her young beautiful body. She was perfect in every way. But I told her she was too young. I told her she had no idea what she wanted, that she did not belong in the realm of the dead and she certainly did not belong with me. I was terribly cold toward her. I was condescending and rude. I tried all I could to turn her against me. And in between the third night and the fourth morning, while she slept like a beautiful dream I did not want to wake from, lying beside of the River of Lost Souls, I carried back up to her grieving mother, leaving her in her field of wildflowers believing, again, that it would be the last time I saw her.”
           “Of course, she returned. Month after month she came with no explanation for how she was getting to the realm that only two other Gods in our entire family were able to travel to. At first I tried to keep up with my gentle mistreatment of her but she was so innocent, so precious, so goddamn beautiful and kind, that I simply could not do it. Each time she came, she took with her another piece of my heart and each time it was harder and harder to force her out. Meanwhile, Demeter was raising hell in Olympus, demanding the other Gods do something about me. She tried to launch a full scale attack on me. If not for the testimony of Hecate, Hermes, and even Persephone herself, who knows what might have happened. She accused me of many heinous things, rape among them. Meanwhile, I refused to even kiss her daughter despite the fact that she did everything she could to get me to take her innocence. And she was all too happy to voice her frustration before the court that was convened to discuss my guilt. She also told them that she would continue to come to me, that she was mad with love for me and she knew I was in love with her as well, and she asserted confidently that she would be my bride in time.”
         “After that trial, on the first night of the dark moon, Demeter chained her only daughter up to keep her from coming to me. But when she woke in the morning, Persephone was with me. Again, the girl refused to tell me who helped her break those chains and who brought her down to me. Each time I asked, she only laughed her pure mirthful laugh. That was the visit where she kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss of my life, full of want and need but also uncertainty. There was a desperation in it for us both. I allowed her to sleep in my arms those three nights but still, before the fourth morning, she was returned to her field of flowers. This went on for years. The idea that I raped and kidnapped my beloved wife is nearly funny in light of the truth. If anything, that first time we made love, she came rather close to raping me. But in the end, I submitted to her of my own freewill and it was a beautiful culmination of all of her years of chasing me. After that, I could not bring myself to take her away. Even if I would’ve tried, I would not have succeeded. You see, Persephone had a secret.”
          “There is not a great deal of things that grow in the land of the dead but there are apple trees and pomegranates that thrive in the land below. If someone who is living eats an apple there, the side effect of it is knowledge of all that’s been, all that is, and all that might be. If someone eats a pomegranate, the side effect is that no one can force them from my realm unless they are willing to leave and they may freely come and go from my realm as they wish if they eat the seeds as well, which she did, six to be exact.”
       “Those who eat of this fruit can remain in my realm, suspended somewhere between life and death, in the place where time stops, for eternity if they so choose, as that is the place where time stops as your world knows it. Because of that, it was once considered the fruit of immortality. This is a well kept secret, even among the Gods. There are few indeed who know this and while I have never had her confirm this either, I have always suspected it was Hecate who told her. I believe she saw that Persephone was truly in love with me and she knew that I loved her. She’s always thought of my happiness. As the years went by, she saw that I was lonely when Persephone was gone, that I started relying on the company of the lost souls, which was not good for the souls or for me. She knew it would be best if I had my love with me. It was only when the fourth night came and I did not try to take her back above that Persephone told me her secret. I was both elated and terrified. Somehow knowing I could not return her to the care of her mother made our love truly real for me for the first time.”
          “On the first night of the next new moon, we were married. It was just after the time now known as the harvest moon, the full moon closest to the date you know as the Autumn Equinox, though until that time, there was no such thing as Autumn. Not as you know it. There was no winter as you know it. Things slowed down on earth, yes, but they did not go to sleep completely. We journeyed to Olympus for the wedding and Persephone begged her mother to come but she would not even speak to her only child. This pained my beloved so that I tried to change Demeter’s mind but she hated me for what she believed I’d done. She thought I bewitched her daughter with the help of Hecate and, indeed, she blamed Hecate every bit as much as she blamed me. Even after all the years of Persephone chasing me, even though she was always honest about her love for me, Demeter still did not believe it was true. She could not imagine anyone who loved the sunshine and wildflowers as Persephone does also loving the darkness and the souls of the dead...or the man that ruled such a land. But that is the duality that has always been inside of my wife. Demeter, like many parents I suppose, focused only on what she could relate to about her daughter without acknowledging the parts of her that seemed foreign to Demeter’s own nature.”
         “I am sure you know what happened after the two of us returned to the Underworld as husband and wife. It was the death of all living things on earth for the first time and humans and Gods alike were terrified. Hecate came to us as soon as it became clear that Demeter was not going to be reasonable about the situation. She would not be satisfied with visits lasting a few hours whenever her daughter made time for her. She wanted her back. But this was not like before when I thought I was protecting a sweet maiden from making a choice she might regret. I refused to turn out my own wife. I also knew that losing another woman I loved as I once loved Ashera would destroy me. Still, none of us wanted to see all life on earth die either. It was Hecate who went between the Underworld and earth bartering with Demeter and it was Hecate who brought to us the best deal she could strike with my mother in law. Six months of the year Persephone would be the Queen of the Underworld and the other half of the year, she would be the Princess of All Living Things in the sunshine and fields of flowers playing as she once did with her mother.”
        “For millions of years that has been the way of things. Each eve of the Spring Equinox, my wife and I hold on to one another as if we will never see each other again. We make love and we weep and we make love again. It is heartbreaking. You see, while I am free to cross realms, part of our deal with Demeter states that letters are the only contact we are allowed while Persephone is with her mother. I have a cavern of pure clear crystals that Hecate enchanted to show me my wife but she cannot see me and we cannot speak to one another. There are only our letters. Then, when the Autumn Equinox comes, my beloved bride returns home to me again. After half a human year, I am but hours away from having her in my arms. And instead of preparing our home for her return, I am here grappling with a hatred I cannot push down.”
        “I only recently learned that my original queen is in fact very much alive. She was trapped all of this time in a cave in Delphi where, long ago, she was used as an oracle by many in Greece. Zeus was told of a prophecy when Ashera was carrying our son that made him believe Lucius would be more power than he is. It did not say my son would use that power to do my brother harm. But it didn’t have to. Just knowing Lucius might have more power than he has was enough to destroy my happiness and the lives of the woman I loved and the only child I ever sired. I also learned that Zeus coerced Artemis into claiming my son raped her so he would be thrown out of Olympus and denied access to his homeland ever again. The two were madly in love and when she came to him, torn between her vow to remain without love and the love she found in Lucius, instead of helping his daughter, he broke her heart to protect himself. I know Hecate is asking us to pull together, not only with Gods from all over the world, but also with each other to defeat the evil that’s coming and I believe her promise that Zeus will be dealt with after this war is won, but it seems impossible that I can fight at his side knowing what I now know.”
         “It is more than just Zeus, however. I must tell my wife that the woman who was once my queen, the woman I’ve told her all about since our first three days together, the woman she knows I grieved for centuries, is actually alive after all. I do not want to hurt Ashera. She never wronged me in any way. And I certainly do not want to hurt Persephone. Ashera and I did not speak of the years since we saw each other last. I could not believe it when she entered Olympus and I saw her before me...after all of the years I waited and grieved. It is another impossible situation Zeus has put us all in. I will not leave Persephone. I am not saying that. It is just that...if Ashera does not already know...it will tear out my heart to see such pain on her face and to know that I caused it.”
          Emily sighed. She felt terrible for Hades. He was certainly nothing like the God most people believed him to be. It made sense that the attitude of the dominant religions toward death made it easier for the lies to stick when it came to the God of the Underworld. There was also all that talk of the devil that came later that also helped the misconceptions, no doubt. But the man before her was exactly what Pagans would expect from the Comforter and Consoler. Zeus, on the other hand, was a monster and she hoped that, when the Gods defeated whatever evil was to come, they did indeed bring Zeus to justice at long last for all of the pain he caused those who loved him, human and immortal alike. Just as she pondered this, something hit her. “Didn’t you say Ashera was once the Oracle of Delphi?”
         “Yes, it seems she was.” Hades replied.
        “And can she see the future or things that she should not know?” Emily questioned.
       “Most certainly she can. Many vampires that were humans know things psychically so, as the first vampire of this realm and an Atlantian as well, Ashera’s psychic visions are really something. Why do you ask?”
          Emily gave it a moment to see if it would hit him and when he said nothing, she went on with her thought. “If she is that powerful with her visions, with her love for you as great as it was, I am sure she knows you are remarried, even if she doesn’t know the story we humans are familiar with. Did she act like a wife toward you when you saw her?”
         Hades pondered this a moment before responding softly, “No, not at all. By god, I think you may be right. Should I sit down with her and say it out loud just to be sure, do you suppose?”
         “You could certainly do that and once you know she is prepared and you’ve seen her reaction to the news, once you’ve told Persephone as well, perhaps the three of you and your son could have a nice little dinner in your realm or in Olympus. Lucius should get to know the three of you as his immediate family. He deserves that and so do all of you. You gave him to his uncle in the best of faith. Make that clear to him. Be honest with him about why you let him stay with Zeus so he knows he was not abandoned. As far as the anger, perhaps you should try, for now, to focus on the things you have gained, not the immense loss their absence caused in your life at the hands of your brother. Your beautiful loving wife is coming home to you after half a year. The first love of your life, though no longer your wife, is alive and well when you thought she was dead. And all of you may have a real chance at having a positive healthy relationship with your  child. He may be grown but he is still your son. Zeus does deserve to pay for all that he’s done to every one of you in your family. It seems every Greek deity that comes through my door has a long list of terrible things your brother has done to them. Win your war and I doubt Hecate will turn a blind eye to him anymore. She is only biding her time as she said. So try not to waste your energy on him. He would be thrilled to know that he is ruining your reunion with your wife, son, and your ex wife, so don’t let him have that satisfaction. He strikes me as someone who would be very upset if you were all to get together and be happy in each other’s company.”
         For the first time since he came in, Hades smiled an absolutely brilliant smile. It seemed Hermes took that trait from his uncle as well. All of this talk of love and loss was making her miss Hermes so much she thought she heard his voice a moment earlier. “You are correct, Dr. Emily. Thank you so much. You have given me hope that all will be well after all. Regardless of how it goes, I will come back soon with an update for you. And again, I cannot thank you enough for what you’ve said to me today. I hope your harvest is full of fresh fruits of all sorts, literally and figuratively. You had a busy planting season as well, it seemed.” Again he smiled as he stood and stuck his hand out. Standing up herself, she winced at the pain in her lower back but she stuck out her hand to shake his none the less. As she did, a peace and a certainty that everything in the world that was wrong would soon be made right washed over her in a shower of golden energy, making her feel warm and at ease and completely alive. When she told him it was a pleasure to have met him, she meant that with her whole heart. He was a wonderful soul.
        As she held her office door open to let Hades out, her heart grew two sizes at seeing Hermes standing in the waiting room at Hecate’s side. Emily wished Hades the best of luck and he wished her the same, grinning at the smile on her face at spotting his nephew. While he and Hermes shook hands, he embraced his nephew, whispering something in his ear that made Hermes look at Emily and smile brightly. Only after Hades and Hecate were gone did she ask Hermes what Hades said to him. Carrying her purse and her case of things to go over for tomorrow’s cases, Hermes locked the office door for her and he took her hand, replying, “He said I need to bring you to the Underworld if I must but I have to find a way to keep you forever. He likes you a great deal. And he’s such a good soul. I made you dinner. I took it all out of that funny little book you have on Pagan holidays. I also found your decorations and I brought them up from your basement for you. I was going to decorate before I realized I have no idea how to decorate. But I’ll help with whatever you need. I also found that movie, Maleficent, the one you say you watch each Autumn Equinox, on one of your on demand channels. Oh, and I cleared our schedules for tomorrow. Unless there is an emergency, neither of us have any work to do until the celebration is over. Now that you are working Sundays and you are rather far along in this pregnancy, no one gets angry when I call them to say you’ve cleared your calendar to rest. I intend to spend the next day and half with you completely uninterrupted by anything else.”

         His kiss was so sweet, she didn’t argue with him about who was going to drive. Sometimes it was helpful to be with the messenger God and when you decided at the last moment not to go to work the following day was one of those times. While they drove in the hot muggy afternoon, she couldn’t help but reach over and take his free hand. She had not meant to go to bed with him when they first met and she certainly never dreamed she would fall in love with him. But it was as if she loved him for more years than there were grains of sand on the shore of the ocean. She could not imagine how hard it was for Hades to turn down such love over and over again for years but she couldn’t help but blush and smile to think that he was far more a gentleman than his nephew. However, they both reminded her of romantic poets. They both had wonderful good looks, a calm nature, and a soothing presence. She was grateful to have met Hades. Any fear she had left over of death from her beliefs as a child were now gone. She had no desire to join Hades and Persephone as a Lost Soul anytime soon but when her time came, if that was the worst case scenario, death would not be so bad after all.