Emily heard her baby crying for her in her dreaming mind. This was not the first time such a thing happened since her child was stolen but each time poured salt in a wound that would never heal. Like before, her breasts, swollen and aching from milk for a child she might never see again, started their leaking at the sound. Even in her sleep she could feel her dirty shirt soak with it. And then came the tears. She had no control over them, no more than she could control the milk flowing from her breasts. Every single piece of her, every atom in her being, ached for her daughter. And even in her sleep she was once more forced to come to terms with the fact that she may never get her child back and that ache might not ever go away...
"Emily! My love, wake up! Emily, we have her. Come on now...we have her! Look! Just open your eyes and look..."
Emily resented Hermes to the point of temporarily hating him for rousing her from her slumber. And to use such a ploy to try and wake her? "You are a son of a bitch just like your father!" She accused in a nasty tone that startled the father of her child. She did not look like herself, that was true, but that he could put down to her two weeks in bed. There was no accounting for that sharp tone of voice. She sounded nothing like the Emily who lay in bed at his side exactly two weeks before...the Emily he loved...and there was part of him who feared that woman would never return even if their child had.
Emily did open her eyes as she cursed him and she saw that he did hold in his arms a naked newborn baby girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs for her mother's arms. Her body knew the child at once but her mind was playing tricks on her. She didn't believe him. Not at all. Her mind created a scenario where he was tired of seeing her laying in bed all day so he, this docile creature, went out and stole a human baby from her mother just to get Emily's lazy ass up. Rolling over to the other side, she demanded in that voice that was not her own, "Take it back wherever you got it! That is not my child!"
"But she is, Em! We found her in a cave off the coast of Crete and Auntie as well. She's greeting everyone in the living room right now but she'll be along shortly. I would never steal a baby. You know that. You are just afraid and that's ok. What happened to us...to you...it was despicable. You will probably be shaken for years to come. Hecate explained it to me on the way here. But she is our Alina and she wants her mother. She's very hungry..."
"Then make her a fucking bottle! You are a God. That auntie of yours is literally the Goddess of women and babies. I am sure you can go to the store and figure out formula. Just go away!"
There was a rational voice left inside her mind, a small fragment of the real her that was not completely shattered by what happened to her on Yule, and that voice told her to shut the fuck up and take her crying baby. That voice told her to shut the fuck up and embrace the one thing she wanted with all of her heart from the moment she realized the baby was gone. But that voice was no longer in control. And the irrational bitch who was in control saw things a little differently.
Hermes stood beside of the bed gobsmacked by her reaction. Holding his screaming child in his arms, tears filled his eyes to think of the pain Alina would feel to be rejected by her mother. It was a pain he knew all too well. The tears were as much for Emily as they were for their baby. Hecate warned him all the way to Emily's home that handing her the baby would not fix her, that her problem now ran deeper than that, that Emily was suffering from what the humans called postpartum depression, possibly stemming from the kidnapping and was, at the least, fed by it. "I will do what I can to lead her through it but she needs a doctor like herself." Hecate told him. He didn't believe her. He felt stupid now to not listen to the Goddess who watched after these women with their babies for more years than humans believed their species existed...but he didn't. He truly believed he would put their sweet precious girl in her arms, the baby would latch on to her mother's breast, and all would be healed...
"Give me the baby and go say hello to your Hermaphroditus. They've kept watch over Emily every day that we've been gone. They deserve a thank you."
"Of course." Hermes said softly, handing Hecate the baby who was now turning dark red from her screaming. For a moment he couldn't walk away, he could not leave Emily's side again. No choice in the whole of his existence was as hard as the one he had to make to leave the mother in order to find the child. Never would Emily need him the way she needed him the past two weeks and perhaps if he would have been there for her...
"Go." Hecate said firmly but softly, patting his cheek with a smile. He knew she would do all she could for the woman she considered her child. He knew Emily had a very hard past and it was Hecate who guided her through every pain and trauma in her life. But still he wondered...what if she could not guide her through this one? What would become of his sweet love?
When Hermes was gone, Hecate did what she felt she had to do. She went over to the other side of the bed, laid beside of Emily, raised her filthy shirt, and put the baby between them so she could nurse. There was fire in Emily's eyes when they shot open staring right at the Goddess she loved with all of her heart. "You want to hit me? Hit me. If you need someone to take all of this pain and fury out on, you'll do me no harm. Take it all out on me. But let your child eat first. I kept her protected in that cave with a spell that froze time but as soon as it was broken, she felt that primal hunger she was born with and she needs your milk. I know you are hurting, child. I know it's not just what happened with the child. You have postpartum. You know that. You were a damn good student and you've been damn good at your job since then. If you were a woman who walked into your office, what would you recommend? You would say analysis once a week, perhaps a mood stabilizing medication, and try to bond with the child you are afraid to love. So let's start there. And don't be surprised if you go from being afraid to bond with her to not wanting her to leave your side. As for the rest, I found an old friend of yours from college, Cassandra Graves, and as it turns out, she practices general therapy but she is very good with postpartum. I thought since she is a familiar face, it might make it easier for you to open up at your therapy sessions..."
"Who in the hell do you think you are?" Emily demanded, though Hecate took note of the fact that she was adjusting herself to sit up against the pillows and she was shifting her baby to the other breast.
"I am your mother! That's who I am! And I'll be damned if I wait until you do harm to yourself or you sink so low with the depression you already have that you cannot come back before I do something! You have just been through the darkest days you will likely ever face in your life. What happened to you was horrible! All of the ugly things in your past could not compare with that trauma and pain. But as I have always tried to remind you, the dawn follows the night, spring follows winter, and this is your sunrise. Now we just need to get you help. It's hard to see the sunrise if you are blind, isn't it? It's not your fault that you have her in your arms and you still can't feel the joy of it. It's not your fault you cannot see. But Cassandra is very good with patients of postpartum and she will help you."
"How could you possibly know what she is good at?" Emily questioned, but her tone was softer, more herself.
"The same way all humans find out all things about their doctors before booking appointments. I read the damn reviews on her yelp page."
Just an hour before Emily felt as if she would never smile again, let alone laugh. A belly laugh was certainly out of the question. Yet the thought of this all powerful Goddess reading reviews for a girl Emily used to know on a yelp page made her laugh until she cried...and then the tears came for real. Holding her full, content, sleeping baby to her chest, skin on skin the way hospitals suggest, she wept so hard she shook with the fury of it. It was then that Hecate brought Hermes in and he held her while his aunt made Emily a hot bath full of herbs meant to wash away not just the physical dirt and grime but all of the dirt and grime that collected in her psyche for the past fortnight. Putting the baby in a little rocker close to the bathtub where Emily could watch her, Hermes helped Emily clean off the pain while Hecate took Emily's sheets and her dirty clothes behind her home and, ignoring all city ordinances, she set them on fire. The girl had more and those were full of so much pain and hurt it would be unwise to ever use them again. Besides, since that was where Emily stayed and what she wore all of that time with all of that pain, burning them would release all of that negativity so it could go out into the universe and be cleansed, so the energy could become something else entirely.
Emily ate a huge meal of lasagna, salad, and garlic bread, her first meal since having the baby. She was famished but in all of that time she didn't notice...not until she was more herself. And by the end of that day she was more herself...though not entirely. "When is that appointment you intruded on my life to make?" Emily asked, tongue in cheek, while Hermes slept on the floor and she and Hecate took turns holding Alina on the couch while watching New Jersey Housewives (Hecate's favorite franchise).
"Don't worry, I wrote it on your calendar. It typically takes six weeks for a new patient but when I talked to Cassandra directly and I told her who you are and how severe your case is, she did the best she could, getting you in next Friday at five. It's an hour after your appointments usually end...in case you are still in therapy when you go back to work.
"That was very considerate of you. Thank you." Grabbing Hecate's hand, Emily found herself in tears again, much to her embarrassment. "Thank you for going with her and protecting her and for trying to prepare Hermes for me and for kicking my ass out of that bed. You've never given up on me. Even when I cursed you and I refused to listen to you and I stopped believing you had the answers...never ever did you give up on me. You truly are my Mother."
"Yes, I am, so you don't have to thank me for being a mother. You haven't asked yet what happened the day Alina was born. Don't you want to know?"
"If I knew, would I worry?" Emily asked.
"Very much." Hecate replied honestly.
"Can I do a damn thing about it?"
Hecate smiled. This was a new level of insight from her inquistive daughter who always had to know...no matter what it was...even to her own determent. "What you can do you've done already by giving birth to your daughter."
"Is she safe from this thing for now?" Emily questioned with fearing burning in her eyes once more.
"Yes." Hecate replied, hoping she was right.
"Then I don't want to know. I love you and if you ever need something from me, all you have to do is tell me. So please don't take this the wrong way. But that is your fight. Right now, getting through the darkness in my head is mine. But I do know it would have been much worse if you would not have gone with her...and I know that's what happened. No one took you. You are Hecate. You saw you couldn't save her from being grabbed and you went with her. You saved her...and in saving her you saved me. So thank you for that so much. I love you with all of my heart."
"I love you too." Hecate replied, refusing to confirm Emily's suspicions. Turning her attention toward the television, she gestured at the women there, declaring, "I will never understand why Teresa ever had anything to do with Danielle. Ten years ago she was the prostitution whore...which she is, by the way,...and now she is her best friend. What a snake in the grass that bitch Danielle is..."
Even Witches wouldn't believe the scene they painted, a Goddess, a human, and a demi Goddess sitting on a sectional watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Emily was already thinking of ways to change certain details about her life and situation when she went to see her college roommate as a patient but already the agony of those impossible fourteen days was fading as such pain must fade if humans are to carry on through trauma. Emily was not well yet. She was a long way from her normal self. But with her child sleeping on her chest, she at least felt like a person again. And that was a pretty good start.
December 21st, 2019
All of Olympus shook with the force of Emily's screams as Hermes rushed to bring her to Hecate. Shortly after midnight, Emily awoke from a dead sleep with the Braxton-Hicks contractions that plagued her for two weeks intensified into the real deal. Taking deep breaths, she struggled into the bathroom, meaning to draw herself a warm bath. She knew enough to know that with her first baby it could take up to an entire day to birth her child...ordinarily. Considering she was giving birth to a demi-God, she also knew that she could not count on anything being as it should be. As she breathed her way through another terribly intense contraction, warm water came from her nether-regions, almost as if she peed herself but without the feeling of actually releasing her bladder. The warm water pooled around her feet, coming in a steady way, as if it would never stop. Even as she sat down in the hot water of her bath, still it came. And so did the pain. Hermes was sleeping in her bed and she wanted very much to wake him up. Feeling such agony alone in the middle of the night was nearly panic inducing. But she did not want to need him in that way. So she did not scream when the pains came, closer and closer together, but she could not stop her mind from yelling out to the God who fathered the babe in her womb. And apparently these silent screams awoke Hermes, who knew at once what he would find in the bathroom.
"Emily...Emily...open your eyes! You are bleeding. You should not be bleeding. Come now, we must get you out and dress you so I can take you to Hecate. We have no time to waste."
Emily heard his voice as if in a dream and she was limp in his arms as he pulled her from the bathtub. She was losing blood quickly and the situation was fast becoming dire but because of the blood loss, she felt no fear. She felt nothing but the pain through the incredible fog in her mind. She paid little attention as Hermes put a gown on her and a robe, which she was rather grateful for as she felt chills coming on. She tried so hard to hold on to her mind, to see through the fog, but in the end it was all she could do to remember why the pain was wracking her body.
By the time they made it to Olympus, Emily was completely incoherent. Hermes was terrified, thinking only of how fragile humans were. As he carried Emily's limp body, cringing at her heartbreaking screams that seemed absolutely primal in their intensity, he knew beyond a doubt that he loved her. The blood was flowing far too quickly and as soon as he saw Hecate, he all but shoved Emily's body at her. "She's dying, Aunt. She is dying."
Hecate saw what her nephew was talking about at once and she also heard the fear caused by his love for the girl in his words. She always had a soft spot for him, partially because he had a heart of gold and he never gave a damn what anyone said about it. She loved Emily as well, the little girl with the cruel mother who cried out for Hecate's love long before her conscious mind knew who Hecate was. And Hecate knew what the child Emily carried in her womb was meant to be in the human world, the importance of that little girl struggling to come into the world. So it was with conviction that she declared, "She will not die if I have anything to say on it. I need you to fetch me Freya and Oshun and Brigit. I will call for Eileithyia myself. Tell them of the situation. And remind them of the child's importance. It is urgent that you be quick. We haven't much time."
That was all the instruction he needed. Hecate blinked and Hermes was gone. She was glad of that. Calling for her niece, daughter of Hera and Zeus, the Goddess of childbirth whom she taught herself when the girl was just a child, she took Emily to a room set up with clean linens, herbs, and every instrument one could find in a modern hospital, she lay her on the bed and immediately went to work with magick and herbs to stop the bleeding, finding the source was ruptured placenta. With the aid of her niece, she was able to stop the bleeding, dull the pain, and bring Emily around in a matter of moments, though it felt like an eternity to her. In her most soothing voice, she gave instructions to Emily. She told her when to breathe, when to rest, and when the time came, she would instruct her on how to push. Hermes was back before it came to that, something Hecate was grateful for. He also had with him his child by Aphrodite who was apparently quite excited about the prospect of a new baby sister, even if she was half mortal.
At some point, while the Goddesses took turns giving Emily water and crackers to keep her strength up and herbs when it was needed, they got into a discussion about Freya's Hall, the place where the spirits of women who die in childbirth went in the Nordic beliefs. Emily, who was getting stronger every moment, commented on how Freya's Hall was judged compared with Odin's leading Freya to set straight the way of things. "The people who called on us thousands of years ago saw our Halls as the same. They knew warriors were important. Of course they were. Long before the people humans now call Vikings went out raiding, war was used to protect the villages, death that was essential to life. Women were always free to pursue the path of the warrior if they were so called. However, my people were not stupid. They knew that without birth, which sometimes included the sacrifice of the mother's life, there was no life. Women could find themselves in Odin's Hall but no man would ever come into mine and mine was considered the Hall of the bravest women. The Halls were equal in importance until much later when so much of our stories were twisted. But we, the Gods, did not forget just because our people did. My Hall is still revered. Not that you need worry about that. You will not be joining the souls of those lost to childbirth because you are not dying today. Hecate, I believe it is time for her to push."
And it was. Hermes did as his aunt instructed, getting behind Emily to support her body with his own while holding her legs with all of his strength. He whispered words of encouragement and tenderness but it was not until she was giving all she had to that last push that he finally kissed her cheek and whispered, "I love you, Em. I love you so much. And I love this child. The two of you brightened up everything for me and I'm so happy we're here. Just a little more. Just a little more and she'll be here. You are doing beautiful, incredible girl. Just a little more..."
Cheers erupted throughout the room when the baby was out. Hecate cleaned her off with towels and wrapped her in a soft blanket to put her on Emily's chest. Hermes held them both, even as Emily pushed out the afterbirth that recently held the child in her womb, so proud to have this new little family even if he wasn't sure how their lives together would turn out. He did not belong in Emily's world and she did not belong in his. Yet they belonged to each other, he knew that, and now they built a bridge with this beautiful little demi-Goddess who was already latched onto her mother's breast. "Alina. I believe that is what we should call her. It means 'light'. She was born on your Winter Solstice just as the Sun would be rising in your world. It is perfect."
Emily looked up at him and smiled. She looked gorgeous in her exhausted state and he wanted to kiss her all over. "That is a beautiful name." Looking down at their daughter, she said softly, "You told me you love me. I love you too. I did not mean for this to happen. I didn't expect it. I was just trying to help the Gods pull themselves together for whatever it is that's coming. I was not looking for love or a family. In fact, I never intended to have children. Coming from what I came from, I thought it best to let that gene pool die with me. But I have felt like all of this was meant to be since the first time I met you. You were not like the others. It was..."
"Like your soul knew me?" Hermes questioned.
"Yeah." She replied suspiciously.
He was grateful that she was too drained to question him as he was not yet ready to tell her the entire truth on why her soul knew him. Instead she laid back against him with Alina still at her breast and she went into a deep sleep. He watched them for the longest time, stroking Emily's wet hair away from her face and running his finger along the soft skin of his daughter's cheek. When the baby was done eating, he got out of the bed softly, laying Emily against the many pillows his aunt put on the bed, and he took his daughter in his arms for the first time. Just like the love he felt for his beloved Hermaphroditus, he felt an instant wave of love and affection like no other. And he let that love wash over him as he sang to his daughter an old song in Greek that Hecate used to sing to him when he was quite small.
Emily awoke once to see Hermes with the baby, singing a beautiful song to her. Sure that the child was safe, she rolled over, ignoring the pain in her body, and she went back to sleep. An hour later she woke to find the baby in Hecate's arms as Hecate told the newborn a story about a dragon and a faery and the gifts they give baby girls upon their births. Satisfied once more that all was well, she let sleep take her again. Then came the terrified shouts of Gods throughout Olympus declaring Hecate and Emily's newborn daughter gone...
"What is it? What's happened?" Emily demanded. All of the Gods were gathered in the large Hall they met in to discuss serious matters and a few of them, Hermes included, moved at once to help her to a seat. "I don't want to sit down. I want to know where the hell my baby is!" Emily declared even as she let them help her into the seat offered to her.
The conversation, so animated when she came in, stopped at once. Everyone looked at Hermes, silently declaring it his place to tell her. Taking both of her hands in his own, he stooped down to his knees and told her all they knew. "Hecate had Alina in the room with you. The Goddesses that assisted in the birth needed to return home so I took them. When I returned no one could find Hecate or Alina."
"But that makes no sense. Who the hell could be powerful enough to snatch Hecate. Is it that Atlantian vampire? You all said she is one of the only beings more powerful that Hecate."
"No, it wasn't her. She is actually leading the search for Hecate right now, terrified for her friend and for you. She knows what it is to have your newborn child taken from you and she is determined to find them."
"Then who? Who could possibly manage this?" Emily demanded. She never felt a cold panic like the chill sitting in her chest as she demanded answers.
"Alina is special, as you know, because she is a tipping point in favor of the Gods and humanity. The fight that is to come will be against Gods much older than any of us. Your earth has had so many cycles of life that humans have yet to rediscover and each cycle had its own Gods. These Gods were sleeping, if you will. But we believe the birth of Alina has woken one of them. A god that old, that primal, could kidnap Hecate. But all is not lost. We've sent word to each pantheon and we are forming search parties. We will find them. I promise you that. We will find them." Athena declared. Everything about her looked wild as if she were itching for the fight to come. Hecate was one of the most important people in her life and she would die to bring her home safe, Emily knew that. But Emily felt absolutely defeated. She felt as if she had true bliss for a sweet moment and already it was gone. And she could not deal with its absence after feeling its sweet embrace.
"I want to go home." She declared in a monotone voice to Hermes.
"But don't you want to stay here and rest...and be here for any updates?" He questioned. "You had a rough birth. I must go look for Hecate and our baby. You should not be alone."
"I'll be fine. The only update I am interested in is you finding my baby. If you ever see her again, bring her to me. In the meantime, I want to go home."
Hermes couldn't keep her there against her will. But he did get Hermaphroditus to stay with her while the other Gods searched. As he carried the woman he loved back to her home, he saw the tears she shed and he felt the incredible ache in her heart. It was as if her entire body throbbed with it. But she said nothing to him. He knew all about her past although he was certain she did not know he did. He knew of the hurt and pain that was thrown at her since the day she was born. He knew that she did not know how to lean on someone else when horrible things happened because she did not have anyone to lean on before. He wanted nothing more than to stay with her and show her that he could be relied upon to be there for her but he had to find Alina if he wanted to put an end to the pain in her heart. So he fixed the bed to make it as comfortable as he could for her, he found her a clean pair of PJ's, drew her a bath and helped her clean up, and he helped her dress and get into bed. Again and again he told her how much he loved her, how sorry he was that he didn't protect their child, and he promised to find them both and bring them home to her. But she said nothing. It was like someone switched off a light inside of her.
It wasn't until he was preparing to go, leaving a steaming cup of coffee on her bedside stand, that she snapped out of it long enough to grab his hand. Pressing it to her lips, she told him she loved him, that she didn't blame him at all, and she just wanted her baby back. Kissing her all over her face, he promised he would give her that no matter what it took. And what would it take? No one was sure. None of them had ever faced an old God and no one knew how many woke with the birth of the demi-Goddess. But if it took every pantheon to accomplish it, even if it was the end of Hermes, he would keep that promise to the woman he loved. Because he didn't want to worry her anymore, he said nothing like that. But he knew it was possible.
For days on end everyone searched and when he could, he came to check on Emily, sometimes laying in bed just so he could hold her. His oldest child told him each time that Emily would not get out of bed. She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't bathe or change her clothes. She did nothing but sleep. It was as if she were resolved not to wake until her child was brought back to her. So when Hermes was there he tried to get her up. But it was no use. The more they looked for Hecate and Alina, the more universes and realms they crossed off the list, the more terrified he became. The fact was, there were infinite places that they might have been taken and no one knew what the effects of the place could have on them. He could find a daughter fully grown in a month's time depending on where she was. And he never forgot that. But when he held Emily and he felt the utter defeat coming from her, he knew he had to keep trying until he succeeded. Humans were fragile but their minds were strong and if she willed herself to give up...a chill went down his spine at the thought. He had to fix what happened for everyone's sake. He had to bring the child of light back to her mother...back to the earth. And he had to see to it that Hecate was brought back as well because what was their Pantheon without her?
