The Real Face of Our Health Care Crises

People who know me know that I am sick. I don't talk about it often here because it is not exactly a part of my life that I embrace with open arms. But my reality is this: I am twenty-five years old and I have Crohn's Disease, Rheumatoid Arthritis, I am epileptic, I have poly-cystic ovarian disease, and endometriosis. As of today I have not left my house for twenty-two days. Who knows how long it will be before something so important I can't avoid it comes up and I have to go through the hell of leaving my house, fearing my stomach will start and I won't be able to get to a bathroom, that I will be in a public place and I will have a seizure embarrassing me and whoever is with me, that I'll walk out on concrete, seize, and crack my skull open...anything could happen. I also have no insurance. So I get none of the treatment that could possibly improve and maybe save my life. 
I have no job but I am not lazy. I work my ass of every single day to keep up this house, take care of the family I live with including sick, elderly family members and my 16 year old sister, to get my degrees so one day I might have a future that does not involve poverty, and of course I work on my writing so I can one day do better than just existing. I get up everyday after being up all night most nights in severe pain making multiple trips to the bathroom and for five minutes after I wake up I have no pain. And then it slams into me and I am reminded of my body that long ago turned against me. I have to force myself to eat because I haven't really had an appetite in about two years, since this bullshit became a daily thing. Everything I eat, EVERYTHNG, makes the pain worse. Some things more than others. On days when the dehydration gets too bad (because I am dehydrated every day but it can get absolutely debilitating sometimes) I can do nothing but lay chugging my damned poweraids and hoping I will not have to go to the hospital where I am treated like a fucking junkie because I can't go any place else for the fluids and I can't get help.
Speaking of getting help...I had a job when this all first got bad. I lost it, of course, because when I came to work I would have to leave a line of customers to make multiple bathroom trips and because Wal-Mart does not see a doctor's excuse as an excuse saying you were unable to work. On multiple occasions I went in and as soon as I left I headed straight to the hospital to get pumped full of fluids, potassium, and nutrients via an IV. But going to work in that shape wasn't enough to save my job. I went to my local welfare office to try to get not a check but simply a medical card. I was told by three different case workers that my best bet was to get pregnant because then I could get it. Think about that. I cannot support myself and I was told by STATE workers to bring a child I cannot support into the world to get a medical card. Interesting, huh? I was also, at one point, told to marry someone with insurance. When I got a paper from an ER saying I am epileptic, I took that into the welfare office and was told to go through the process they have to get a medical card. I went to see their doctors, had my last appointment last July, and I could have another year to wait for a decision. 
So why am I telling you guys all of this? It isn't for pity. Pity isn't necessary. It is because people need to open their fucking eyes. Health care is not a joke, it's not some abstract thing that affects faceless people. And it is not something to play with for political reasons. I am all for Obama's wanting to do away with pre-existing conditions with insurance and with his wanting to lower insurance cost. That makes sense. But hey, Mr. President, guy I voted for because I thought that when it came to the struggles of the poor you might get it, if I could afford health insurance I would have damned sure had it by now! I doubt that I'm the only one. I need insurance so I can get well enough (because I will never be well and I know that) to go out and make a living, maybe have my life back before I'm too old to live it and then I could get insurance through my job and I would not be where I am right now. It is kind of hard to tell someone like me to buy insurance when we don't have the cash to buy a damned candy bar. And for the woman who wanted to talk about how much human lives are costing you at ER visits, maybe you should look at the hospitals and the free clinics that get loads of money in grants and donations to help the uninsured and refuse to do a damned thing to actually help beyond the absolute basics. And that they only did so if low lives like me go home and die they can say they did something when we were there the night before and hopefully they can avoid a law suit.
Instead of trying to fix all of this bullshit with an equal amount of bullshit like what we see going on in Washington right now, fix the system we have. Yep, there are many people who play the system. Here is the problem. Our system caters to people like that. It is people who might actually go on and be productive members of society that are overlooked. Just because a woman has a kid or a man fathered a child does not mean that person needs a medical card. The child? Absolutely. But once the child is born, why does a perfectly healthy grown person need 18 years of free medical care? You don't know either huh.... Go into your local welfare office and see how many healthy people are in there getting medical from the state despite having no health problems simply because they have kids. Then look around at all of the people who came here from another country that are getting free medical from our government because they WERE NOT born here. Think about that for a minute. Americans are dying while immigrants are getting health care because they are not American on American soil. I'm not talking about the children. I'm not even talking about immigrants who get help until they get on their feet. I am talking about the ones I have met who come here, get on assistance, and live on it for years. And I am mocking the completely stupidity of the concept of overlooking sick Americans in America because they were not born in a foreign country. 


I am tired of people thinking that the sick and uninsured in America are just lazy bums trying to get out of working. News flash. The people who don't want to work are typically not uninsured. They found a way to work the system and the system returned the favor by working for them. No, that is not in any way shape or form a statement about all people on assistance. Not at all. And I am not saying to do away with assistance. What I am saying is that there are millions who need it that cannot get it and millions who use their kids as meal tickets that are on it. Rethink your damned criteria for eligibility. Stop giving people medical simply because they had one kid fourteen years ago. Give adults, all adults (except for those already on SSI and Social Security because they proved eligibility by being approved for these things), medical based on medical conditions. That would be a great first step and maybe it would help give back some dignity to the reputations of people who did not ask to be sick and poor but simply must live with the hand they were dealt. If Obama can get rid of his bullshit tax and part with making people buy insurance even if there is no way they can and simply do something about lowering the cost of insurance and doing away with pre-existing condition clauses that might help as well. But do not blame the sick for being sick. Because one day you could be where I am at and it is one hell of a life to live. 

The Murder of Trayvon Martin

In light of the latest bullshit released today pertaining to the murder of Trayvon Martin, I am more furious than I was yesterday about the case. All I can say is...are you fucking kidding me? Listen, the 911 call shoots George Zimmerman's whole 'self-defense' line STRAIGHT OUT OF THE WATER! Not only does he make remarks like the highly witty 'These assholes always get away' after which he DOES whisper 'fucking coons!' (It's right after he talks about Trayvon approaching a back entrance..I didn't even realize people still used that as a racial slur until this all went down, by the way...), he was also told NOT TO FOLLOW Trayvon. You cannot stalk a stranger who is minding their own business walking down the street with a gun ON YOUR PERSON, confront this stranger, shoot him, and then claim self-defense. Where was this fear for his life when he got out of his vehicle after he was told not to and he perused a 17 year old boy who was doing nothing wrong? I think it is sickening that Trayvon's body was drug tested but Zimmerman was not, that Trayvon getting kicked out of school for having an empty weed bag (which unless it happened over thirty days before the shooting, was apparently not his since there were no drugs in his system and pot stays in for 30 days) and things on his facebook have been called in to make people question the integrity of the MURDER victim but yet Zimmerman's three prior violent arrests and who his parents are have not been mentioned that I have heard in the media at all. So here, let me school ya:
According to court records: 
George Zimmerman is the son of retired Virginia Supreme Court magistrate Judge Robert J. Zimmerman, his mother Gladys Zimmerman is a court clerk....
He has three closed arrests
7/18/05 for resisting an officer w/violence, and battery on a law enforcement Officer div 10...
8/9/05 for domestic violence div 44...
8/10/05 for domestic violence div 46... 


Clearly we're dealing with a real stand up guy, huh? No, what we have here is another little rich boy whose daddy, and daddy's position, tend to get the prick out of the trouble he creates because he is clearly prone to violence. It is also known that prior to this night, he had made several phone calls to 911 just like this one because apparently he goes out looking to start shit. I would like to know how many of those previous calls ever resulted in the arrest of someone who was actually doing something wrong. But I doubt that information will ever be released. Why? Because the cops are just as guilty as Zimmerman in all this and, like him, they are now attempting to cover their own asses. Don't believe me? Here, listen to a witness...and the validity of the cops not arresting Zimmerman under their little statue:

Now, you want to tell me why this guy is walking free? I mean, this is disgusting. Since when does a person get to kill someone, claim it was self-defense, and simply walk off in the first damned place? The last I checked, you murder someone, you make your claim of self-defense, you GO TO JAIL, you HAVE A TRIAL, and if the jury believes you THEN you walk. Am I somehow mistaken on this? Because 911 told him not to pursue Trayvon, the law that the cops used as their excuse does not apply. Even using it, he was still supposed to be arrested. There is no law, no fine print, that allows this to happen. If there were, everyone who murdered would walk away from it free. This is completely insane. If you have not yet heard the 911 call, here it is. Pay very close attention at about 1 minuet and fifty-three seconds or so into it and you will hear him whisper 'Fucking coons'. It's very soft. I turned my speakers up all the way and even then I barely heard it. But it's there:

Oh,and speaking of 911 calls....Here are a few from George's past. See if you might be able to see a similarity in all of them:

So did you figure out what all of these people seem to be doing wrong? Someone should have informed him before it came to this that being a black person in his neighborhood wasn't actually a crime. As far as the screams heard that night, here they are. You tell me who you think they belong to:

I've heard grown men scream...on more than one occasion. That sounds like a young boy to me. So despite what the cops want to say to cover their sorry asses, despite what his MURDERER has to say to cover his ass, I think it is clear who was screaming and in fear for his life that night. If you are not outraged by this case, if you are not among those of us calling out for justice, then maybe you should stop and ask yourself how you would feel if that was your son's screams being heard right before he was shot in cold blood and his murderer was let go to walk the streets. Because with George Zimmerman walking free, one day it could be.

Issues that Currently Piss Me Off

I have realized over the past couple of days that I really haven't been fair to this blog. You see, this blog is supposed to be my personal blog which means that when I have something to say about issues that are important to me I should be able to talk about it here because this is my voice on the internet (besides my facebook of course). But I have attempted to keep this blog...well...on the safe side. I can't take it anymore. There are many things in our world today that just piss me off and I need a place to vent about them. I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings in this post or any that may come in the future like it. And if you read this and I piss you off and you decide you don't want to read anymore, that is cool. I will have no hard feelings. We all have our opinions and I respect everyone's opinion, even if I disagree with it passionately. If I piss you off and you want to talk about that, feel free to use the comments. I'll reply. Respectfully. Unless you approach things like an asshole and then I am likely to be a bitch. Just giving a heads up. :) I adore anyone who reads my words, here or anywhere else, so no matter what, if you approach me respectfully I will do the same. We all cool here? You sure. Ok....where to start.
Did you all hear about the three (I believe it is three now) lawmakers who are proposing laws to limit a man's access to viagra in response to all of this horseshit that law makers are attempting against women's rights? If not, here is the latest story from earlier this month (taken from http://kozmedia.com/third-female-lawmaker-proposes-bill-to-limit-access-to-viagra/229367/ The original source is yahoo news):

Democratic Ohio state Sen. Nina Turner is the third female lawmaker to introduce a bill that would limit men’s access to Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs to make a statement about the dozens of anti-abortion bills that have passed statehouses around the country over the last year.

Turner is opposed to a proposed bill that would prohibit abortion after a fetal heartbeat is detected, which can happen as early as six weeks into a pregnancy. The Dayton Daily News reports that Turner’s bill would mandate that men seeking Viagra be “tested for heart problems, receive counseling about possible side effects and receive information about ‘pursuing celibacy as a viable lifestyle choice.’”

Turner said on MSNBC Monday that the bill is about showing ”men as much love in the reproductive health arena as they have shown us over the years. My Senate Bill 307 is all about the love and making sure we look out for men’s sexual health.”

Earlier this month, Illinois state Rep. Kelly Cassidy introduced an amendment to another bill that would require women to get ultrasounds before being allowed to get abortions. The amendment mandated that men seeking Viagra watch a graphic video about the drug’s potential side effects. “If they are serious about us not being able to make our own health care decisions, then I’m just as serious about them not being able to make theirs,” she said.

Well, when I read about this, I loved it. How could I not? I have read all of the news this past year or so and I have been disgusted time and time again at what lawmakers have done, what they've tried to do, and what women have refused to speak up against. And eventually I became inspired. Women's rights is certainly an issue I bitch about quite a bit but it isn't the only issue out there that I support. Women are by far NOT the only group of human beings in America whose rights have been threatened and violated time and again. So I decided to write out some more laws I think we should pass to keep society fair. Here was my list:

Issue 1-Gay Marriage

Common Argument for those Against It: They are trying to protect the sanctity of marriage

New Law: For every state that will not legalize gay marriage based on the idea that they are protecting marriage as an institution, divorce should be illegal UNLESS there is spousal abuse. And because men are so much stronger than us poor little ladies, spousal abuse is not a claim they can use. Sorry guys. You may go to one of the few heathen states that allow gay marriage to get a divorce BUT it will not be legal in any other state. So if you live in Ohio and you get your divorce in New York and come back to marry your girlfriend in Ohio, you will go to jail for bigamy. In addition to this, even if you live in a state where it is legal, a judge may refuse to grant you a divorce if they object to it morally.

Issue 2-Abortion

Common Argument for those Against It-They morally object to it

New Law: For any state that makes abortion illegal, if a woman goes somewhere else or tries the old coat hanger method and she dies, the man who impregnated her will be charged with reckless homicide. He had sex with her unprotected causing the pregnancy which, because she could not safely terminate it, led to her death. This however will not be true for women who use abortions as birth control (i.e. have them repeatedly) because I morally object to that idea and I am the one making the damned laws. :)

Issue 3-Limiting a Woman's Access to Birth Control

Common Argument Against It: Have they even fucking given one?

New Law: No married man can buy condoms. Condoms protect against STD's so single men may purchase condoms (and hope it doesn't break in any state where abortions are illegal....) but if women are supposed to fuck to procreate, a married man has no reason to buy condoms. If a married man in turn gives his wife an STD because he is screwing around he will be charged with attempted homicide for anything that may be life threatening and assault for all others.

Issue 4- The refusal to decriminalize marijuana

Common Argument Against It: Pot is a drug according to the government and drugs are bad

New Law: Any state that refuses to decriminalize marijuana in general will now be prohibited from selling alcohol. Alcohol is a drug with far more harmful side effects and, as they tell us, drugs are bad. Any state that will not allow medicinal marijuana can no longer pass out pain pills. Pain pills are highly addictive, they are commonly abused, and they cause far more deaths than poor little Mary Jane ever thought of.

Now, let me make this clear. I'm not gay and I don't smoke pot. However, I support the right of two people in love, regardless of their damned gender, to get married. I actually think it is pathetic that we live in a society in the 21st century where one human being marrying another human being is something that has to be considered a "right" or that it is something that must be fought for. To me, American society should be ashamed of themselves for that. As far as pot goes, look up the history behind it and the reasons it was made illegal in the first place. We are not talking about heroin or meth or crack...it's pot for god's sake! Are you kidding me? When you live in a nation where you've dropped an atom bomb BEFORE you've decriminalized Mary Jane, your society and its priorities are a bit fucked up. I want anyone out there who are referring to old Reagan speeches and reruns of Dragnet to tell me what a bad person I am for this theory to sit back, relax, light up a joint...lmao...Just kidding. No, seriously, sit back, relax, and think about the last time you heard a story on the news about someone going bat shit crazy and killing a family while they were stoned only on pot. Nothing? Ok, let's try this...sit back, think, and tell me the last time you heard about someone overdosing and dying on pot. Still nothing? Now, think about pharmaceuticals and alcohol. Prescription pill overdose? Whole family destroyed by alcohol? Bet you can think of at least one case for each that you've at least heard of, right? Yeah, those last two are perfectly legal. I see nothing wrong with booze or pills if they are used correctly by people who can handle them (and, in the case of pills, people who actually NEED them). Problem is, our society is crazy with problems from both because people use them who should not. So yeah, I support gay marriage even though I am not gay and I believe pot should be legal even though I don't personally like it because it makes me laugh, eat, try to figure out secret meanings to Doors songs, and sleep. All in the span of about 45 minutes(which, at the time, feels like 3 hours because stoned time is way sloowww...haha). I don't get the point. But for those who like it, I think they should be free to get their smoke on.


Now, back to that thing I bitch about probably most of all...women's rights. Probably the biggest and most hot button issue of this is, of course, abortion. As you can probably tell by now, I am pro-abortion. Here's why. I am not some hateful bitch who despises babies. I actually adore babies. All babies. I will stop strangers in public places to gawk over their babies and I hope one day, if I am able, to have a few of my own. But despite what certain groups of people will have you believe, a fetus six weeks in the womb and a full term baby are not one in the same. I have had two miscarriages in my life. Both happened within the first month to the first month and a half of conception. When I miscarried what came out of my body was not a baby. It looked NOTHING like a baby. Science tells us this would have been true if I had miscarried at any point in the first trimester. So here is how I classify the wrong and the right of abortions: If a woman's body can miscarry the fetus without having to actually give birth to it, she can abort it. If the baby must be in some form born into the world in order to kill it, charge that sick bitch with murder. Period. It may not make sense to everyone, this logic, but it is how I see it. You have plenty of time after that first missed period to make the choice on abortion before it is too late to do it in a safe way that does not involve murder. If you do not choose to abort during that time, good luck finding a couple to adopt your child because that should be the only other option besides keeping it that is available to you. LATE TERM ABORTIONS ARE NOT ALRIGHT! That is not infringing on women's rights. That is using common sense...something I find more and more people in our society lacking. Now, I have never had an abortion. At this stage in my life, I can't foresee an instance where I would ever need one. But making abortions illegal does not make them go away. It only puts the women having them in greater danger. And most of the women having them are not in a place in their lives where they can care for a child. Yes, to me, it is better that a woman abort a baby she is two months along with than to have her give birth to it and abuse it, starve it, be unable to clothe it or provide it with suitable living conditions. And for those of you who say what about adoption...Not everyone is strong enough to carry a baby for nine months and give it to someone else. I do not agree with women who have abortions repeatedly for the hell of it. Abortions are not a form of birth control. But until you have been in a position where you have had to make such a choice, until you realize what it is like to be 15, scared, abandoned, and to find yourself laying on a cold table about to abort your baby, do not fucking judge those who have. Women who have abortions are not typically married, stable, women who are in all ways, including mentally, able to be mothers. If they were...why would they have an abortion? And as far as the teenage girls go, hey, here is a thought. Instead of abstinence only sex-ed, try teaching kids who are going to have sex just like you did as a teenager how to do it without creating a life they are too young to care for. That might help with the pesky abortion issue. :) 


This rant has turned out longer than I anticipated. There are more things that I could go on about but I think we've had enough for now. The bottom line is that, as the happy hippie witch, I want to live and let live. I want justice to prevail. I want everyone to be in a world where you succeed when you've worked for it and you don't have to worry about someone intentionally keeping you down because of your race, gender, religion, or the amount of money you have. I want people to be free to be people. Isn't that what America was supposed to be about in the first place? That was always my understanding of it. Let go of the fucking hate already, people. Stop worrying about who your neighbor is marrying, how many of your friends are on birth control, whether your date is democrat or republican, or what religion your co-worker follows. Worry about you. Your family, your life, your happiness. And when people start screwing with the rights of others and you don't agree with it, do not be afraid to speak up.Even if it does not effect you! Don't be selfish, man. Look around. We need a revolution like...ummm...yesterday. You can't have change if you don't work for it, fight for it. And no matter what side of the aisle you happen to fall on, I think everyone can agree on one thing. We need change. 

Because at the end of the day...

Happy Birthday, Jack Kerouac

I neglected both blogs last week. But never fret, my pets...I'm doing two this week. Yours Truly turns 25 on Saturday and so does Billy Corgan from The Smashing Pumpkins. Although many Pagans do not celebrate St. Patrick's Day I was kind of born without a choice on it so I do this thing on facebook where I post Irish tunes all day. I figured in addition to my Happy Birthday Billy thing I could maybe toss in some Irish songs and music by Irish bands. It will be great fun for all...Well, all but me. I do not like getting a year older. :)
Today Jack Kerouac would have been a whopping ninety years young. It's funny to picture him old. He was typical of brilliant writers. He drank too much, smoked too much, and dreamed too much. But he also gave a voice for the Beatnik generation that ended up having an impact on the hippies as well. He wrote a book you may have heard of called On the Road and not only was it akin to the bible for the Beats, it also changed the life of a young guy you might have also heard of named James Douglas Morrison. That's right, folks, our beloved Jim, by his own account, read that book and he wanted to be Dean Moriarty. He even went so far as to hitch to some of the spots Jack talked about in the book and he was almost killed a couple of times during that little trip but he loved every moment of it. It was through all of this talk of Jim's that I was introduced to Kerouac's book (let me rephrase that...it was from reading about Jim's words in a bio, one of the few I found accurate, that I heard about the book. I do not, as of right now, have a direct link with Morrison. lmao) I bought it at Half Priced Books when I was about 18 and I read it all in about a day and a half. To me, Jack was the F. Scott Fitzgerald of the Beats. What Fitzgerald observed and recorded in his novels about the Flappers, the way that he immortalized that generation, was much like what Kerouac did not only in On the Road but also in novels like Big Sur and The Dharma Bums. (I recommend both books, by the way...The only one I do not recommend of those I have read so far is Tristessa. I personally hated it. The Subterraneans wasn't on par with the three greats but it wasn't as bad as Tristessa.) He combined what he knew of his life with what he knew about that part of his generation, the Beatnik culture, and in my opinion, more often than not, he made greatness out of it. The friends he immortalized on the page in many cases ended up like dust on the wind. Neil Cassidy, who was again immortalized but this time in the footage and the stories about Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters, was the real Dean Moriarty. He was also one of Kerouac's best friends. He ended up going crazy sometime during the Merry Pranksters trip across the country (or so it said in the Acid Koolaid Test by Tom Wolfe). Kesey, who also had a role in the made up people of On the Road, fared alright until his death in the '90's, though. And of course, Jack himself passed away in 1969 at 47 after he got into a fight (while he was drunk) and was beaten pretty badly. The internal injuries took his life a week later.
Did he write like Shakespeare? No. Is he read as often as Poe? Probably not. But in my opinion, he did have his own kind of genius with the pen. His books were real, people could relate to them, and inside them there were moments of literary brilliance with the words he wrote. An example?

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

That, in its entirety, is my favorite Kerouac quote. As soon as I read it in the book I wrote it down in my little book of quotes I keep (because I am that big a fucking dork...haha) and I thought that it so completely summed up the man who once became a rock star after his life was changed by On the Road and the chance meeting he had with a character named Dean Moriarty. Jack summed up a lot in life like that...in his own simple inspired way. And like Jim Morrison, many were changed in some way by his words. And isn't that what we are here to do, us crazy writer types? We want to change something, someone, with what we have to say because in that way our characters will live on no matter how short our own time here on earth may be. I think Kerouac succeeded. So happy birthday, Jack.