The soft knock on the door didn’t sound like the thundering boom of Thor’s typical knock but it was made clear with that sound that Emily would not be getting peace on her lunch hour. “Come in.” Emily called, trying to shove down the frustration she felt.
She did not know the woman who came in but she thought the woman was absolutely beautiful. Wearing a beautiful flowing white dress with short sleeves that fell off of the shoulder, Emily thought it looked a bit like the dress Beyonce wore in the video for ‘Hold Up’. The woman’s olive tone skin and radiant blue eyes were a beautiful contrast to her long black hair. And she smelled amazing! Like wildflowers, honeysuckle, and the ocean. Hell, Emily fell a little in love with her by the time the woman sat down daintily on the couch. Everything about her made Emily believe she was a Goddess, perhaps of beauty...unless socialites recently found her business cards as well. “Hello. I am Aphrodite, daughter of Dione and Poseidon. I am the Goddess of beauty and love, pleasure and passion, and sometimes I am called upon to turn a Maiden into a Mother. I am often called upon when matters of love and sex come up. You may know me from that silly story my uncle made up about my birth. As I said, I do have a mother. She disappeared when I was an infant, but it was she, not my father’s severed genitals into the sea, that made me. Who are you?”
Each deity that Emily met showed her a level of respect if no other reason than because she wanted very much to help them but Aphrodite was not like the others. Emily feared Hermes was the reason for the hint of dismissiveness in Aphrodite’s tone but there was some ancient part of her mind that knew that was just Aphrodite’s way. “I am Emily and I am a therapist. I am here for anyone that needs me.”
Waving Her hand in the air, Aphrodite seemed to dismiss Emily’s words immediately. “No, no, no...I know all of that. What I am asking is who are you?” Emily said nothing because she was confused. This seemed to irritate Aphrodite. Emily was starting to get the feeling that Aphrodite’s question and her visit had nothing at all to do with Hermes. In response to this thought, Aphrodite laughed in a way that was intensely pleasant. “You think I have come because you are lying with Hermes when he comes around? No. Yes, we have children together and yes, I have always lied when I said I did not love him at all...I do in a way, but Hermes and I are not well matched. I need someone who will make me the center of the world when I request it. I need someone who will gladly come to me wherever I am whenever I call. Hermes is too easily distracted for my taste. I must say, if you are to blame a Greek deity when all is done with Hermes, please blame my son Eros because I have no reason to dislike you so it was not I who led the two of you together.”
Emily had more questions than answers after all of that but above all, she was now more confused than ever about the question Aphrodite was asking her. “I really do not understand what you mean, then, if your question doesn’t have anything to do with Hermes.”
Again she sighed as if she were more exasperated than before. “What I mean is, all of Olympus is speaking your name. You’ve made ancient enemies into allies, you’ve managed to help the most abused wife in all of Olympus by telling her things we’ve been telling her for thousands upon thousands of years, you have Hermes coming when you call him to alleviate your desire...I’ve even heard that you’ve talked Sekhmet into remarrying her ex! What is your secret? I am dying to know!”
“I treat Them all like I would any other patient and I just listen to Them. It’s almost like treating an extremely powerful group of selfless soccer moms with a lot of You...You have all listened to the joys and pain of human beings since we appeared on this earth but how often does a human listen, truly listen, to Your pain or Your happy thoughts? Many humans act as if the Goddess is a concept they cannot wrap their minds around...and there You all are walking beside us all the time. That must be frustrating. And then there is the misinformation that even humans who do know You believe...like the idea that neither You or Athena have Mothers.”
“Or the fact that Hermes is a rapist?” Aphrodite questioned, acting as if the question was innocent.
Emily’s blood ran cold. Thinking back on the night that she brought up his father’s ways, she quickly searched her mind for any myths relating to Hermes raping anyone and she came up empty handed. “Is Hermes a rapist?”
Aphrodite laughed her perfect laugh. “Of course not! But humans believe that he raped me. They believe our dear sweet Hermaphrodite was born of that rape, our child who is neither son nor daughter while being both son and daughter. They are perfect inside and out. Men and women alike are prone to falling madly in love with them. I believe it was Zeus that started such a rumor. No one chastised his rapist ways as much as Hermes and Hades...and then both were remembered even still for stories involving rape. I do not find that coincidence. I also do not find it coincidental that the story claimed it was Hermaphrodite who was born of such a hideous act! In the days of old, the people knew that such people, people born with both sets of genitalia and people born one sex who had the soul of the other sex inside, were perfectly natural. Such people lived as the sex they felt inside or they lived sometimes as men and sometimes as women...or sometimes they cast off gender altogether...and it was accepted. But it bothered Zeus. He tried to get me to agree to the murder of my own baby when he saw my beloved child for the first time! He was furious that I had the support of most of the Gods who said they would see him destroyed before he hurt my baby. So of course that is the child he claims was born of this fictional rape. As if Hermes would ever need to rape someone! One would think Hermes was a God of pure sexual desire the way females have always thrown themselves at him. When we were children, I remember it was said that he was so beautiful and charming even as an infant that strangers lined up to breastfeed him. Now, like many stories of its kind, that might be pure fabrication...but that is what was said.”
Emily was starting to wonder if Aphrodite was also the Goddess of gossip...perhaps it was She Who Wendy Williams prayed to...but nothing about her gossip seemed malicious and Emily was honestly enjoying her company. She was almost afraid to ask the question that was nagging her because pissing off the Goddess of Love seemed like a good way to die alone, but she was dying to know so she hoped with all of her heart that Aphrodite liked spilling her own tea as much as she liked knocking over the teacups of the others. “Weren’t you married once? What happened with that? Do Gods in Greece divorce the way Sekhmet divorced Her husband?”
“No. We just leave our husbands and take our lovers.” She declared with a laugh. “Hephaestus was the true rapist. I was tricked into marrying him by Hera and I was so young...I was too young to know that I could tell Hera no or that I could tell my husband no...I let a great many things go on for a very long time. Although Ares is now and will always be my one great love, I will never forget the way Hermes helped me see that I was important, that I have a voice, and that no one, not Hera or her lame bully of a son who did as he pleased with me when he pleased just to go out and brag that he could, was really able to stop me from getting true pleasure where I wanted. When Ares and I were caught, there was no net that ensnared us! I did as my dear Hermes suggested and I brought the man I truly love into my marriage bed, that bed where I was raped again and again, while my husband was outside in his workroom knowing he would come in and find Ares and I together eventually, and I stayed in bed with my lover until my husband walked in. It is true that he called the other Gods in but Ares and I stayed to greet them in that bed of our own accord. And it was not the pair of us that the Gods ridiculed, I assure you. When my damned mother in law walked in, I looked her in the eye, still in that horrible bed that I was finally able to create one pleasant moment in, and I told her I was leaving her son. I told them all that Hephaestus was weak in a way that had nothing to do with being lame and that he was only able to “stand up” to young girls, apparently, since it was me he tried to slap while he fled from the retribution of Ares. I told her he had all of the worst traits of his father and that if she, in truth, thought he was so grand, she was free to have him for herself. But I was finished with him.”
“If you were already with Ares when you left your husband but you had not yet had children with Hermes, how did that come about?” Emily asked. She was interested in a purely voyeuristic way at that point and she knew it but she couldn’t seem to help herself.
“Hermes is my best friend. Ares is like…” Aphrodite’s sigh no longer held irritation, that was for sure. “Ares is like oil and I am a match. Sometimes that is beautiful. It creates light and heat and it benefits the good of all. But other times it will burn the entire house down with a whole family trapped inside. Do you see my meaning? What I am saying? I know your entire history with love. Of course you do!”
Emily chuckled freely, genuinely amused by Aphrodite’s words. “Yes, I do understand. So right now are the two of you on or off?”
“Well, Ares is the God of war started without wisdom, wars not well thought out, so he has been extremely busy the past one hundred years or so. And I am going around trying to temper the sting of his work for people so I am just as busy. But when we have the time, we get together. In that sense, we are together. I could call him right now and he would come. Even when we leave one another and we refuse to speak to one another, that has always been true. I need that. It worked out well for Hermes too. I can see that. I would be lying if I said that I think you have a blissful road ahead for you. Even if he behaved well, you are still human. And what’s this I hear about the two of you producing another demi-human? When has that ever worked out? You are a very brave soul.”
All laughter died in Emily’s throat. “There is no demi-human. I am not pregnant.” She tried to sound assertive but it only came off sounding as scared as she felt.
“Everyone knows. After everything I’ve shared with you, you can tell me.” Emily saw Aphrodite’s expression change dramatically, as if she realized that Emily truly did not know. Softly, with all of the compassion of a mother Goddess, Aphrodite said, “I am so sorry that you found out this way. Hey, maybe Hecate is wrong. Take one of those tests. Surely it has happened before that Hecate was wrong about something like this…and I know Hera can be wrong.”
“Hera? They are both saying I am pregnant?”
“I overheard the two of them talking about it. But then I heard it from Artemis, Demeter and Persephone, because she’s home right now, and finally I heard Hermes himself talking to Apollo about it. That was when I assumed it was true and that you told him. That is typically the way of it. I forgot that he is what he is and you are human.” Standing up, Aphrodite suddenly smelled like she carried with her an entire apple orchard. “Again, I am very sorry you found out this way. Should I see Hermes around, I will be sure to tell him that you are looking for him and you are none too pleased that he kept information like that from you. Hell, you live in America. If you want to terminate this pregnancy, you only have about fifteen minutes left to do it! The sooner you are told the better! That damned inconsiderate ass! I’ll leave you now to think about all of that. I hope you find a way to salvage this day.”
Emily’s mind was in a fog. She had no idea what time it was or how long Aphrodite was there. Her rational mind wondered why Thor wasn’t there yet while the rest of her was numb. She had much to say to Hermes, if she ever saw him again, and none of it was good. He knew first...and he said nothing to her while blabbing about it to everyone else in his world? Emily thought that was a bastard thing to do. For his baby mama to know that she was pregnant before she knew? That seemed pretty unforgivable.
Emily spent three hours trying to harden her heart against Hermes. She bought three pregnancy tests on her way home and each came back a ‘Positive’ that was loud and clear. There was no mistaking it at all. Within seconds the results were there on all three tests. It explained the shitty way she felt almost immediately following the last tryst she had with Hermes. She was light headed, dizzy, hot all the damned time, and she was nearly starving thanks to the horrible nausea she had. But never did she think she was pregnant. She was on birth control, for Christ’s sake! She wondered if it was the evil deity sperm of Hermes that did this to her, that climbed through the defenses of standard human birth control to invade her poor eggs anyway. She was sobbing when Hermes found her. The sounds coming from her were downright pitiful. Her heart was broken but he wasn’t sure what hurt her so. Going to her on her sofa, he sat down and wrapped his arms around her. “Aphrodite is one of my favorite family members but she has a really big mouth. I did not mean for you to find out that way and I am very sorry you did. After speaking with Apollo and Hades and even Ares, if you can believe that, I was going to let you find out and tell me and I was going to pretend to be surprised. I know it was a deception but I know how women are about such news.”
Lifting her head off of his chest, Emily could not believe what Hermes said! “I don’t give a damn that you knew first...I care that EVERYONE in Olympus knew and still you did not tell me! When Aphrodite said that...I thought...ugh…” Emily’s words were cut off by another sob that seemed to come straight from her soul. “I thought you were gone, that I was going to have to make the decision to keep it alone and that I was going to have to figure out how to raise a demi-god alone...I was terrified. After all Aphrodite said about how you can’t be tied down...and that is coming from a woman who had as many children as a Dugger so that is pretty bad...I thought you were gone.”
Pulling him to her again, Hermes stroked her hair as he assured her in his charming way that he went nowhere, that he never had any intention on leaving, that he loves babies, and that he is an alright father overall. For one night, Emily put aside the discussion she now knew they needed to have concerning power dynamics in their relationship and what to expect as a human mother carrying a demi-human….she put aside the horrible feeling that she felt from the moment Aphrodite told her she was pregnant, pushing it deeper away until it was a tickle in the very back of her brain...she put aside everything. She just wanted to lay in Hermes’ perfect arms and imagine what their baby would look like while she told him the stories that Aphrodite shared with her. He laughed with her in a way that almost put her mind at ease. Humans had been with Gods before and demi-humans had been born before. She was going to be just fine. The baby growing inside of her was going to be just fine.
Moral of the Story?: The baby mama drama is only as messy as the baby mama...
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