I Know It's Been Awhile....

I suppose my list of excuses concerning the nearly-month-long gap between posts would be pointless. Things have been weird and crazy and at times super challenging...all that shit that life so typically is. I've been writing and then taking long breaks from it because my mind is concocting something I am not sure I am willing to delve into (Yes, it is a different story than the last one I mentioned and no, I won't go into detail until I am much further into it because I seem to have crappy luck with that). I took a two-day vacation to a little town I lived in briefly on the Ohio River to just get away from home for a while and I found that it was the most relaxed I've felt in a long long time. But when I came home I had to go to the hospital because I thought something was wrong with my gall bladder. Turns out it is only a new spot of Crohn's that is causing inflammation all around my gall bladder and pancreas. I was relived that it wasn't something that was serious but disappointed that it isn't something that can be fixed any time soon. And in the middle of all of this life stuff I have been working on trying to change the way I look at my body, accept...actually, really accept...its problems and learn to live with them as peacefully as possible. That has not been easy and it is still a work in progress but at least I am working on it. I am on the edge of truly realizing that this stuff isn't going away but that I can still find a way to be alright with that most days. 


I've also had a couple of epiphanies where magick is concerned and I am sharing them because I've been a witch for fourteen years and these concepts just came to me randomly about two weeks ago so maybe by sharing them I can save someone else the fourteen year wait. haha And these are not things that can be used only to strengthen spells but to also achieve goals in general.  Tip 1) When possible, live as if the change has already occurred. Example: I wanted to get away with my little two day trip but for many reasons (mostly linked to the fact that I am a nillionaire...I have nothing when it comes to money) I chalked it up to something that I could keep right on wanting. And then I just started to prepare for this trip like it was already set in stone. I finished all of my homework for the weekend, I cleaned (because I wouldn't leave dirty dishes if I were going anywhere overnight), I made sure my stuff was in my purse but I didn't pack my clothes (because I always do that last anyway)....I did everything the way I would do it if I was sure I was going. And as I was doing I thought to myself, 'I am doing this because I am going'. I started this Friday night. By Sunday my mother had contacted me and told me she wanted us to go down and by Sunday night we were there. So I think it worked. I didn't do a spell or anything to make it happen. I just believed it would. 
The second tip is for those bigger goals you have in life. I don't know about you but when I daydream, I daydream huge. I daydream scenarios where all of my work and effort has already paid off and I am enjoying the end result. Well, I think I might be doing that wrong. I am now trying the new approach of daydreaming in steps. For instance, if you are working on degrees so that you can graduate and build a career than visualize yourself getting through your classes one at a time. Once you are doing well with that, imagine you've completed your first degree. When you are close to getting your degree (or your last degree or the degree you need to begin your career) start visualizing yourself happy in the job you want after school. Now, I have just started this one and my goals I am working on are fucking big and time consuming so I will have to get back to you on progress made with this but I have all the faith in the world that it will work. And again, both tips will work with magick or just with goals in general. At least that is what my guide said and I tend to believe her. haha
On a completely unrelated note, I have been thinking heavily about pulling Castles Made of Sand from Amazon and looking for agents to take it again. If I knew that Rapunzel was going to be picked up by an agent and that the agent would also want Castles I would wait but I don't know how that works. What I do know is that of everything that I have ever written, Castles is the work that I have the most faith in. When I read that book I actually forget that I wrote it. I have heard it said by authors before that they are simply vessels that their stories come out of and in this case, that is exactly how I felt when I was writing it and it is how I feel when I read it. I mean, Rapunzel is a great story, it is an entertaining story, and I know that there are many people out there who would enjoy reading it. But Castles Made of Sand is more than that. It is someone's story in a way that a vampire novel will never be. Someone out there could pick it up and think, 'Wow, I lived this. I went through this.' It was the first novel I ever wrote like that because before it all I had ever written were vampire novels and as far as I know, no one has ever lived a vampire's life. Even though the bulk of the book occurs from 1964-1971, the main issues in it are still so relevant today. And I did some of the best writing I have ever done so far within the pages of that book. It deserves to be printed and read far more than I, personally, deserve to be published for it, if that makes any sense at all. And if I could, if I had the means to do so (again, going back to being a nillionaire...), I would bind up copies of it and sell it for the cost it took to print it alone just so people could read it. Since I can't, I have been known to give it away in its Word format. Because, like I said, it deserves to be read. And I do not want to deny it that chance. So I don't know what I will decide on that in the days to come. In the meantime I am still accepting rejection letters as they come for Rapunzel. hahaha


These are the things that have occupied my mind lately. I hope everyone out there in the blogger world has been well. Sorry the post wasn't all that interesting and it had no real point to it but Summer Solstice/Litha is two days away so you will all have a post with a purpose then. Until Thursday...