To My Beloved Kurt Donald Cobain on Your 45th Birthday

The first time I saw Kurt Cobain, I was about four years old. It was the video for Smells Like Teen Spirit, as it was for so many, and as I sat there in front of my grandmother's floor model T.V. watching that beautiful moment on MTV, I was in awe. I loved the song but more than that...I loved the crazy cute guy singing. In my short life up to that point I couldn't remember seeing a man as pretty as Kurt (except Michael Jackson who was, at that time, the love of my little life) and not only was he pretty, I thought he had a pretty cool vibe about him too. In my little brain that I enjoyed filling up with music and those who made it, I imagined that one day I would meet that cool guy, maybe hang out, and if Michael didn't get jealous, he and I could be great pals. He was even one of my many imaginary friends (mostly musicians...with some actors thrown in there for variety) that I talked to daily. When he went on Head Banger's Ball in his pretty yellow ball gown with Krist, I watched and laughed. When he went on Unplugged I counted down the moments until it came on and I made my poor grandmother (not a Nirvana fan even now) watch it all the way through. I watched the video for Heart Shaped Box like it was the most fascinating thing ever created and I waited...always...on the MTV moments where Kurt would appear before my eyes in all of his glory. Yeah, I was kinda in love. And then one day, when I was barely seven, I was coming back with my mom from a trip to the pediatrician's (another bout of strep throat) and I heard the announcement that broke my heart. Kurt had been found dead. In the days that followed we heard it was suicide and me, being the little Bible Thumper I was at the time, was further devastated by this because not only was he dead, he was going to hell (Yeah, like that was the only reason according to the Bible that this might be his future....) I mourned him like one might a good friend because to me, that is what he was. By age eight I had decided he was murdered (something I believe even now...but that is a totally different post) which took care of that pesky hell business but it did not make Kurt any less gone. But he wasn't completely gone, was he? As long as I put Nevermind, In Utero, or my beloved tape of Unplugged in my tape deck I had Kurt again, his beautiful voice, his amazing lyrics....
It's been almost twenty-one years since I fell in love with those blue eyes and that crazy pretty smile of his. And I suppose it's no big surprise that I love him still. I mean, how could you ever fall out of love with Kurt Cobain, ya know? So today, when he would have been forty-five years old, I wanted to do a post, a tribute to a life that very few ever understood, from one crazy Pisces to another. Here are a few of my favorite Kurt moments that, thanks to youtube, I can relive now whenever it pleases me:

Nirvana on Head Banger's Ball-1991

Smells Like Teen Spirit

Kurt Showing off Frances for the first time on MTV

Nirvana-Unplugged:

Heart Shaped Box:

Sliver:

Kurt at Age 2:

So Happy Birthday, Kurt Donald Cobain. The world misses you. But you are never forgotten. Love you...always. :)