"Sir or Madame, will you read my book....it took me years to write, will you take a look?"
Amazon has developed a brilliant idea...surprisingly enough. They have decided that it would be a good idea to let us self-published authors publish our books in paperback form. Now, it is still amazon. So they must have their large piece of the pie. My vampire books are now available in paperback but the cost of each is thirteen bucks. I did not intentionally raise the price by ten bucks. In fact, I cannot imagine anyone paying that much for one of my books (though one person has and I appreciate that) but if you have always wanted to read my books but you are not a fan of digital books (which I can sympathize with...) you now have the option to read the books in paperback. The covers suck. I am not a cover designer...or any other type of designer. I am a writer. All of my creativity lives there. And I still have to split Castles Made of Sand in half in order to make it a paperback because amazon has decided it is too long to print as is. I have not had time to do it yet because my grandmother almost died at the end of March and I had my Alzheimer's ridden grandfather for a week and since she has been out of the hospital, I have gone to her house nearly every day to clean and do whatever the two need me to do. I've been quite busy. I am home today to try to clean up my house and do my own laundry and clearly I should be doing that and not this...BUT...I wanted to tell you, my blogger people, about the books. All the books...
https://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Beast-Battle-Evermore-Snyder/dp/1520875002/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492964491&sr=8-1&keywords=keair+snyder
https://www.amazon.com/Battle-Evermore-Book-Two-Rapunzel/dp/1520899270/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1492964491&sr=8-2&keywords=keair+snyder
Sunday, April 23, 2017
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
My Plea to the World
It has been a long fucking time, my dear blogger people. I've been very busy with mom shit and life shit and (about five percent of the time) with writing shit. Like so many in America, since November I've been torn between wanting to know nothing about the world for the next four years and being terrified to take my eye off the ball for minute...because the ball might turn into a nuke and...well...we've all seen pictures of the rest. I watch a lot of John Oliver and Steven Colbert and Trevor Noah and Seth Myers because that got me through two terms with Bush. Had it not been for Jon Stewart back then I don't know what I would have done. And all the while I keep writing letters to my baby (who turned one on the first) hoping she will be reading them from a much better future nearly twenty years from now. I keep promising her that somehow we will make this right. We will fix this. That has been my attitude since I was born. No matter what fucks up, we can fix it. If we can't, we'll rebuild it better than it was before. But this time feels different. I refuse to get scared when the news is full of scary shit. Since 9/11 and the aftermath of that, I've seen fear as the enemy of liberty and justice FOR ALL. Yet, during the election, there was a voice in the back of my mind saying "Trump will try to become a dictator. You know history. You know it probably better than you know the present and a hell of a lot better than you can predict the future and you know he has the temperament, the sense of entitlement, the sheer ignorance, the narcissism...he has every single characteristic in the book. He will try to keep all of the power we let him grab and he will try to keep it forever." and while people rolled their eyes on the rare occasion when I voiced this fear, it has been a month and already he is trying to discredit the media, suggesting we get our news straight from him instead, and now he has sent another psychopathic rich white boy in front of the camera to undermine the authority of the judicial branch of government and to declare with serial killer style coldness that Trump's authority "will not be questioned"...and if we back down now, any of us, we are screwed. History tells me that and unlike the present, if you dig hard enough for the truth in history it gives you just that...the truth. But it isn't just that this fucker is trying to bully the American people the way he has bullied three wives and numerous people who dared oppose him....he is trying to bully the world. He is throwing the rich white male equivalent of a toddler's temper tantrum on global leaders all over the place...Well, not all over the place. We know he won't have a tantrum on Putin because he is afraid of Putin...and because Putin helped him get this job. That's not exactly true. Apparently what Putin promised him was his job judging by the way Trump and his people believe the presidency goes but that is neither here nor there.....
*Sigh*
We can't let him win. He is so clearly trying to provoke an attack that it would be hard to miss it. Mexico, Australia, China....our allies....alienated and talked down to by a man who is seventy going on three. He is discussing North Korea doing a missile test like he would discuss something he watched on Fox news...I can only imagine what the Japanese PM thought of that moment...sitting there with the president of America in a dinning hall at his private club while he took the call about the test on his cell phone and read classified documents by the light of a random person's cell phone... And we know all of this is true because of a photo some random person at Mar-a-Lago took to go with his facebook post about the whole incident. In short, the allies Trump hasn't pissed off are probably ready to start running the world without us for the next four years. Then there are Trump's flippant threats...to Iran, to Mexico, hell, to the city of Chicago (what an idiot...)! When you are president you do not get to make flippant threats the way he has done all of his life. You have to resign your prized position as school yard bully when you take that office. But he will resign that position around the time he actually gets his hands out of his businesses soooo....
Here we are. And this is what I beg the world to remember.
Trump is NOT the face of America. Trump is the face of what is destroying America. He is everything that Americans also hate about America. No one suffers because of a country ruled by selfish billionaires more than the ordinary people of that country and as much as we have suffered already, we haven't seen shit yet. Please, please remember: This man was NOT elected by the PEOPLE of America. Now, I understand that this is our fault for not fixing our broken system back in 2000 and it is my dearest hope that by 2020 electors and super delegates will all be a thing of the past. But his ideals are not our ideals. Hell, even many of the people who did vote for him only did it because they thought a billionaire was going to go after the billionaire class. Stop laughing. I'm serious. And as bad as that is, just wait because now that Betsy DeVos is running public education, ignorance will get much much worse. But I digress...We did not vote him in. We do not want him in. There was no fucking voter fraud that led to Hilary winning the vote of the people so please don't let him try to convince you otherwise because if he manages that, he will have effectively convinced you that the majority of us agree with him when the truth is that's bullshit. Should you decide to wage war on us over Trump, you will not hurt him at all. Because he is a bully, a spoiled rich white bully, and he will have advanced warning and he will get the hell out of here before you come. Do you really think he'll stick around if he thinks he might have to fight? If you do, google Trump and Vietnam. Sorry, he has some foot thing... And when you've nuked us and we are dead he'll be in Russia or something with all of his rich white friends tweeting 'Thousands of weak Americans died today but they shouldn't have been weak enough to stay when I got the warning. Sad!' or some equally ridiculous shit. No, if you want to hurt this particular sociopath, you can't do it through us. Literally. It is impossible. Sociopaths have to feel like they are in control and they have all the power and for Trump, the key to that lies in his money. He admitted to not paying taxes for over fifteen years on national television yet he won't let us see his tax returns. Why? Because he probably isn't a billionaire anymore. He's probably barely a millionaire, truth be told. So if you truly want to get back at him during his ludicrous presidency, encourage people to take out any stock they have in any of his companies (do not mandate it, Iran...simply encourage...). Stop any business deals you yourself might have with him. Create a Trump tax where, if he wants to do personal business with you or your nation, he has to pay just a little more. Do things along those lines. Because the funniest part of all this is that, while he is the only president we've ever had that truly scares me, he is also the easiest to understand. Money, money, money. It's why he wanted the office, it's how he took the office, some say it's the source of the blackmail Russia may have on him (I don't think there is blackmail...I think Putin saw someone with his ego and no common sense and said, 'Aha! You will be easy to control!' and I don't think that is all about embargoes so we might want to look more into why he wanted Trump in and less into what he might have on the idiot...), it is his prime motivator in all things. Money equals power and power is what he wants. It is simple rich white boy logic. Because at the end of the day, no matter what office he sits in, that is all he is.
And to my fellow Americans...
Whether you voted for him or whether you didn't is no longer important. The important thing is do you like where he is heading with everything he has done including his attempts to bully and undermine our very important judicial branch of government? If you sat there and bitched constantly about the Constitution during Obama's presidency (ya know...the dude who majored in Constitutional Law....) but you are silent now, you are a hypocrite. Or you've never read the Constitution. Or both. Either way, if you have not read it, please do. Please please fucking do. And research the men who wrote it and what they actually wanted and what they actually believed in and then you will see why I am so fucking scared, so frustrated, so...grrrr!!!! haha How can you stand up for your rights if you do not know what they are? How can you understand the importance of our government's three branches if you don't know their purpose and why that purpose was so important in the first place? History is important. Our Constitution is everything. I do not care if you are Republican or Democrat, if you are a normal person or Trump himself (don't laugh....if I put his name in a hashtag somewhere he might actually read this....Oh wait....it's longer than a page of bulleted points...never mind....lmao), if we can ALL agree to fight for our Constitution and for the rights of ALL citizens under that Constitution, we will all get on the same page very quickly.
We need to do away with the electoral college. And we need to keep putting the pressure on our lawmakers. We will be heard. They need not fear Trump. We hired them and only we can fire them. Remind them of that always. And when you wake up tomorrow and you have that heart stopping moment where you realize that Richie Rich in the first half of the movie is running our country, do what I do and remember...there is still a chance that he can make America great again...
Look at how well we've come together already!
*Sigh*
We can't let him win. He is so clearly trying to provoke an attack that it would be hard to miss it. Mexico, Australia, China....our allies....alienated and talked down to by a man who is seventy going on three. He is discussing North Korea doing a missile test like he would discuss something he watched on Fox news...I can only imagine what the Japanese PM thought of that moment...sitting there with the president of America in a dinning hall at his private club while he took the call about the test on his cell phone and read classified documents by the light of a random person's cell phone... And we know all of this is true because of a photo some random person at Mar-a-Lago took to go with his facebook post about the whole incident. In short, the allies Trump hasn't pissed off are probably ready to start running the world without us for the next four years. Then there are Trump's flippant threats...to Iran, to Mexico, hell, to the city of Chicago (what an idiot...)! When you are president you do not get to make flippant threats the way he has done all of his life. You have to resign your prized position as school yard bully when you take that office. But he will resign that position around the time he actually gets his hands out of his businesses soooo....
Here we are. And this is what I beg the world to remember.
Trump is NOT the face of America. Trump is the face of what is destroying America. He is everything that Americans also hate about America. No one suffers because of a country ruled by selfish billionaires more than the ordinary people of that country and as much as we have suffered already, we haven't seen shit yet. Please, please remember: This man was NOT elected by the PEOPLE of America. Now, I understand that this is our fault for not fixing our broken system back in 2000 and it is my dearest hope that by 2020 electors and super delegates will all be a thing of the past. But his ideals are not our ideals. Hell, even many of the people who did vote for him only did it because they thought a billionaire was going to go after the billionaire class. Stop laughing. I'm serious. And as bad as that is, just wait because now that Betsy DeVos is running public education, ignorance will get much much worse. But I digress...We did not vote him in. We do not want him in. There was no fucking voter fraud that led to Hilary winning the vote of the people so please don't let him try to convince you otherwise because if he manages that, he will have effectively convinced you that the majority of us agree with him when the truth is that's bullshit. Should you decide to wage war on us over Trump, you will not hurt him at all. Because he is a bully, a spoiled rich white bully, and he will have advanced warning and he will get the hell out of here before you come. Do you really think he'll stick around if he thinks he might have to fight? If you do, google Trump and Vietnam. Sorry, he has some foot thing... And when you've nuked us and we are dead he'll be in Russia or something with all of his rich white friends tweeting 'Thousands of weak Americans died today but they shouldn't have been weak enough to stay when I got the warning. Sad!' or some equally ridiculous shit. No, if you want to hurt this particular sociopath, you can't do it through us. Literally. It is impossible. Sociopaths have to feel like they are in control and they have all the power and for Trump, the key to that lies in his money. He admitted to not paying taxes for over fifteen years on national television yet he won't let us see his tax returns. Why? Because he probably isn't a billionaire anymore. He's probably barely a millionaire, truth be told. So if you truly want to get back at him during his ludicrous presidency, encourage people to take out any stock they have in any of his companies (do not mandate it, Iran...simply encourage...). Stop any business deals you yourself might have with him. Create a Trump tax where, if he wants to do personal business with you or your nation, he has to pay just a little more. Do things along those lines. Because the funniest part of all this is that, while he is the only president we've ever had that truly scares me, he is also the easiest to understand. Money, money, money. It's why he wanted the office, it's how he took the office, some say it's the source of the blackmail Russia may have on him (I don't think there is blackmail...I think Putin saw someone with his ego and no common sense and said, 'Aha! You will be easy to control!' and I don't think that is all about embargoes so we might want to look more into why he wanted Trump in and less into what he might have on the idiot...), it is his prime motivator in all things. Money equals power and power is what he wants. It is simple rich white boy logic. Because at the end of the day, no matter what office he sits in, that is all he is.
And to my fellow Americans...
Whether you voted for him or whether you didn't is no longer important. The important thing is do you like where he is heading with everything he has done including his attempts to bully and undermine our very important judicial branch of government? If you sat there and bitched constantly about the Constitution during Obama's presidency (ya know...the dude who majored in Constitutional Law....) but you are silent now, you are a hypocrite. Or you've never read the Constitution. Or both. Either way, if you have not read it, please do. Please please fucking do. And research the men who wrote it and what they actually wanted and what they actually believed in and then you will see why I am so fucking scared, so frustrated, so...grrrr!!!! haha How can you stand up for your rights if you do not know what they are? How can you understand the importance of our government's three branches if you don't know their purpose and why that purpose was so important in the first place? History is important. Our Constitution is everything. I do not care if you are Republican or Democrat, if you are a normal person or Trump himself (don't laugh....if I put his name in a hashtag somewhere he might actually read this....Oh wait....it's longer than a page of bulleted points...never mind....lmao), if we can ALL agree to fight for our Constitution and for the rights of ALL citizens under that Constitution, we will all get on the same page very quickly.
We need to do away with the electoral college. And we need to keep putting the pressure on our lawmakers. We will be heard. They need not fear Trump. We hired them and only we can fire them. Remind them of that always. And when you wake up tomorrow and you have that heart stopping moment where you realize that Richie Rich in the first half of the movie is running our country, do what I do and remember...there is still a chance that he can make America great again...
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Kratom Saved My Life
I woke up today to news that could completely change my life for the absolute worst if something doesn't happen quickly to stop it. While going to order Kratom, the herb that saved my life and allowed me to meet the love of my life, leave my grandmother's house, and have my beautiful baby girl, has just been banned for no logical reason by the DEA. They have tried this state by state and most states were told by their people that this isn't what they want so they left it be. But here is an herb that you can't overdose on (unless you....I don't know...eat an entire kilo or something because I have taken quite a bit of it on bad days and the worst that happened was a headache....), an herb that helps people like me with chronic pain and inflammation without the addiction of pain pills or the risk of ulcers and cancer and a variety of other nasty things that common treatments for Crohn's provide (and because I have a sever case, these treatments did nothing anyway....), an herb that has helped many people beat addictions to pain pills and heroin at a time when the addictions to both are at an alarming rate and overdoses are reported in record numbers....And they want to go through with this ban without the typical formality of giving the public the option to speak out first. Why? They say it is a health risk even though there is not a single instance where death has occurred as a direct result of kratom alone. Studies have shown that it has very real medical benefits.....But that's the problem, isn't it? It is a safe way to avoid pharmaceuticals for conditions like mine which rake in millions for pharmaceutical companies every single year. In countries where Kratom grows naturally, the plant was made illegal because it was interfering with sales of opium to countries like ours. Is that not what is going on right now? I believe it is. I know that many people do not know about Kratom and they tend to believe agencies like the DEA so I want to share my story. I made a video. Please watch it. And consider that, for me, if this ban stands it will be a death sentence. I know the shape that I was in when I discovered Kratom and I know that if I do not have Kratom, either my body will kill me within ten years or I will kill myself because I cannot go back to laying in a bed and crawling to the bathroom every fifteen minutes when I don't have the strength to walk anymore. I am very afraid. And I am not alone. So please, watch the video and sign the petition below ( and in the comments of the video) if you feel compelled to do so. Also, if you have a story of your own that you want to share, I posted the link to contact President Obama. Share your story. I will also share a link to a Forbes article that clears up a few of the lies the DEA is telling if you are interested. Do not buy this bullshit. I (and hundreds out there like me...)are begging you!
http://www.forbes.com/sites/davidkroll/2016/08/31/dea-argues-that-public-comment-is-unnecessary-before-kratom-ban/
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/please-do-not-make-kratom-schedule-i-substance
https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact
https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/please-do-not-make-kratom-schedule-i-substance
https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact
Friday, May 6, 2016
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Goodbye, 2015
I would be a damned liar if I said that I was going to miss this year. I won't. This year was mentally and physically draining. There were times when I was ready to throw in the towel all together. Now, that's not to say that nothing good came of it. By this time next month, the tea cup human currently kicking the shit out of me while she plays with my bladder will be kicking on the outside of my womb and that is pretty exciting. Everyone I love is alive and in one piece despite the shit we went through this year. And I am fairly certain that this year and all that happened was so difficult because it is a transition year. I've seen the same things with many people I know. They've had loss and pain and they've had to face terrible things since last year. It's like there is something in the air, a certain way that the planets are aligning, something along those lines. If there is one thing life has taught me, it's that you have to deal with the loose ends in your life before you can fully move forward and I do think that in many cases that is what this year was about. For those who lost people they loved this year, no good things from 2016 can repair or make up for what was lost in 2015. If you are reading this and you are among those people, I am truly sorry. If you are reading this and you faced the loss of your home, job, important relationship, or something else that was very important to you, again, I am sorry. But all of us need to believe that things will get better and I honestly feel that they will. Keep your head up and continue to hope that the coming year will at least leave you in a better place than you are in right now.
I accomplished a few things this year though none of those things were huge. I did technically graduate months ago but I still have no diploma because the University of Phoenix has...well...I think they just forgot about me and that important piece of paper I worked very hard to get. After I believe everyone is back at the office, I intend to write them and find out what the hell the hold up is. I did finish Rapunzel though it doesn't look like my dream of finishing Sleeping Beauty before the baby comes is going to come true. Between being incredibly sick and the craziness of the last two months where holidays and things like that are concerned, I got behind on my goal of writing every day. Now my goal is to finish as much of it as I can before the baby comes and to work on it when I can once she's here. And, of course, I'm nearly done growing a person (as a dear friend of mine puts it) but that isn't so much an accomplishment as a test of strength in my case. lol Those were the major things I did, the things that will carry over into 2016.
It wasn't all I hoped to accomplish but I did not anticipate pregnancy, either. I bitch about my defective body quite a bit. I mean, of all the betrayals I've suffered in my life, my body turning on me was probably the hardest to handle. And I've never had more cause to bitch about this body's many limitations than I've had these past eight months. BUT I also understand that the job I asked my body to undertake when I asked it to grow a human being, with it being the way it is, was probably the hardest job I've ever asked my body to do. For the past seven years it has been a constant struggle for my body to keep me alive and then I added a very needy, demanding, being to the mix and I told my body to support her too. Normally when my body cannot handle something I want it to do on a day to day basis, like cleaning the house, I push myself even if it means more pain, more weakness, whatever. But I have been afraid to push beyond what I should since I've been pregnant because I wanted the baby to get all she needed to be healthy. I have had to learn over these past few months how to take it easy....and it sucks. I hate it. I have had to learn patience with a body I usually have no patience for. I have had to learn (and this has been the hardest lesson of all...) to accept limitations on what I can do even if it means letting the house get dirty or not meeting the deadline I set for myself with my book. So I accomplished little this year overall but in a month I'll be able to hold the biggest accomplishment of them all in my arms and I know that in that moment, anything I didn't finish this year will be far from my mind.
I've raised kids before so I know better than to sit and make concrete plans for the first year after I have this child. However, I am hoping to have Rapunzel edited and out into the world by May. I am also still hoping to finish Sleeping Beauty at some point this year. It would be great if I could start saving up to self-publish through Archway Publishing before 2018 but babies are expensive creatures and we essentially live off of my boyfriend's overtime each payday as it is so that is currently more of a dream than a goal. For the first month of 2016, my main focus, my biggest goal, is to get the baby and me through labor and to have her come to us healthy...and for me to be as healthy as I can be in the months that follow. I have three serious autoimmune diseases that will all go into overdrive as soon as this child is born so I know it's going to be a long road. I accept that. But I intend to do the best I can and hopefully 2016 does the same for me.
Happy New Year, my beloved blogger friends. I hope that the next year brings you all joy, prosperity, new opportunities when and where you need them most, magick, and above all, I hope that you are showered with love. Love from within yourself, love from your family, love from your friends, love in random acts of kindness with strangers on the street...LOVE! Because without love, what the hell is the point?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
I accomplished a few things this year though none of those things were huge. I did technically graduate months ago but I still have no diploma because the University of Phoenix has...well...I think they just forgot about me and that important piece of paper I worked very hard to get. After I believe everyone is back at the office, I intend to write them and find out what the hell the hold up is. I did finish Rapunzel though it doesn't look like my dream of finishing Sleeping Beauty before the baby comes is going to come true. Between being incredibly sick and the craziness of the last two months where holidays and things like that are concerned, I got behind on my goal of writing every day. Now my goal is to finish as much of it as I can before the baby comes and to work on it when I can once she's here. And, of course, I'm nearly done growing a person (as a dear friend of mine puts it) but that isn't so much an accomplishment as a test of strength in my case. lol Those were the major things I did, the things that will carry over into 2016.
It wasn't all I hoped to accomplish but I did not anticipate pregnancy, either. I bitch about my defective body quite a bit. I mean, of all the betrayals I've suffered in my life, my body turning on me was probably the hardest to handle. And I've never had more cause to bitch about this body's many limitations than I've had these past eight months. BUT I also understand that the job I asked my body to undertake when I asked it to grow a human being, with it being the way it is, was probably the hardest job I've ever asked my body to do. For the past seven years it has been a constant struggle for my body to keep me alive and then I added a very needy, demanding, being to the mix and I told my body to support her too. Normally when my body cannot handle something I want it to do on a day to day basis, like cleaning the house, I push myself even if it means more pain, more weakness, whatever. But I have been afraid to push beyond what I should since I've been pregnant because I wanted the baby to get all she needed to be healthy. I have had to learn over these past few months how to take it easy....and it sucks. I hate it. I have had to learn patience with a body I usually have no patience for. I have had to learn (and this has been the hardest lesson of all...) to accept limitations on what I can do even if it means letting the house get dirty or not meeting the deadline I set for myself with my book. So I accomplished little this year overall but in a month I'll be able to hold the biggest accomplishment of them all in my arms and I know that in that moment, anything I didn't finish this year will be far from my mind.
I've raised kids before so I know better than to sit and make concrete plans for the first year after I have this child. However, I am hoping to have Rapunzel edited and out into the world by May. I am also still hoping to finish Sleeping Beauty at some point this year. It would be great if I could start saving up to self-publish through Archway Publishing before 2018 but babies are expensive creatures and we essentially live off of my boyfriend's overtime each payday as it is so that is currently more of a dream than a goal. For the first month of 2016, my main focus, my biggest goal, is to get the baby and me through labor and to have her come to us healthy...and for me to be as healthy as I can be in the months that follow. I have three serious autoimmune diseases that will all go into overdrive as soon as this child is born so I know it's going to be a long road. I accept that. But I intend to do the best I can and hopefully 2016 does the same for me.
Happy New Year, my beloved blogger friends. I hope that the next year brings you all joy, prosperity, new opportunities when and where you need them most, magick, and above all, I hope that you are showered with love. Love from within yourself, love from your family, love from your friends, love in random acts of kindness with strangers on the street...LOVE! Because without love, what the hell is the point?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Pregnancy of Body, Soul, and Creative Endeavors
It has been such a long time! And I have so much to share. First and foremost, Happy October! If you've followed my blog for any amount of time, you may know already that this is my favorite month and my favorite time of year. Samhain/Halloween is literally right around the corner and even though this month itself hasn't been the greatest on record, I still have high hopes for Samhain. I always do. To me, it is the most magickal day of the year...a day where absolutely anything can happen. It just so happens that this one is a little special because.....
*DRUM ROLL PLEASE*
This is my last Samhain before I give birth. That's right. I'm all knocked up and shit. I am six months, two weeks, and two days along. I know I've touched on my health problems before but I don't think I've ever talked about my history with Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and miscarriages. I never thought I would be able to carry a child past the first trimester. Even as I peed on the stick this time and that second line popped up immediately, I was telling myself not to get excited. I told my boyfriend and the few family members that I shared the news with in the beginning the same thing. Like a good Witch, I did spells to protect us both and to keep her safe and snug in the womb until it is time for her to join the outside world. But even though I'm normally very confident in my spellwork, part of me still doubted that my body could do this. The fear has eased a little but it probably won't go away completely until she's born healthy...just in time for me to start a lifetime of worry over everything else. :)
I have fears that are completely unrelated to the baby and my body as well. I have raised a child before. I know how hard it can be to do things like writing, which will always come second to feeding the baby, changing the baby, playing with the baby...everything that motherhood entails. I know how easy it could be to wake up fifteen years from now and realize that I haven't written a single word since I had my child. Besides something going wrong with the baby, this is my greatest fear. Writing is not something I do. It is part of who I am. It is one of the few things that make up the core of my soul as far as I'm concerned. The moment that I found out I was pregnant and I knew I would have her and keep her, I decided that she comes first no matter what and I will honor that. But it would kill a piece of me if I lost the writer to the mother. This may not be a fear that big names in the literary world face. I doubt there are many male authors who have ever faced it at all. But I know that it isn't a fear that's unheard of where working mothers are concerned in general. So I've used independent artists of different types as my inspiration during my pregnancy while working toward my goal of writing an entire novel between now and January when the baby comes. My biggest inspiration has come from Zoe Keating (former member of Rasputina and current solo artists of amazing cello music), who spent her entire pregnancy working on an album and who takes her now seven or eight year old son on the road with her. Hearing her talk about the way she worked while she was pregnant was what turned on the light bulb in my mind and made me decide to not only finish my re-write of Rapunzel but to also write all of Sleeping Beauty before I give birth to a child. It's like giving birth three times in nine months. It's stressful and exhausting. But I know I can do this and I know I will not regret it.
I have also found inspiration in the pregnancy and new-motherhood-glow of one Amanda Fucking Palmer. She not only worked throughout her pregnancy to prepare for the time that she wouldn't be able to work after she had her son, she has also been very open about her own fears concerning motherhood and her art. I've had a love affair with her blog posts since way back in the myspace days when we were both drunk quite a bit and the posts revolved heavily around small shows and wine. But these past few months I've been hanging on her every post, relating more and more with the things she was saying as I also prepare myself for the hectic year to come. Recently she posted that she went into the studio to record a little bit of a song just weeks after having the baby and though it may not sound like a lot, I was cheering her on all the way. It's something. It's good. It's proof that you can have it all.
So for any of you who read my books, I am sorry it's been so long between novels. I do have a finished book sitting on my desktop. I swear it. But I also know full well that it will be much easier to edit with a baby strapped to my chest than it will be to write a novel next year. And that's my plan for the beginning of the baby's life. I am going to edit both novels and hopefully have them live on Amazon by May. Originally my goal was to write a novel a year. However, I know that for the first five years, I probably won't have time to write enough to make that happen. So instead I promise you, dear readers out there in the virtual universe, that I will write as much as I can, get the books out as fast as I can, and I won't give up. I'm not finished. Not by a long shot. I just need a little patience from you all and a promise that you won't forget about me.
For all of my Witchy friends out there, I've had some interesting experiences with Witching while pregnant that some of you may understand. For one thing, I got pregnant in April, during the time of the Wheel of the Year where we are celebrating fertility and new life and just before we celebrate the Goddess getting pregnant. The baby is due the day before Imbolc, the day when we celebrate the Goddess's recovery from childbirth and a return of sorts to Herself. I, however, believe she will come in the middle of the month which will make this Sabbat even more relevant as I will be able to put her bassinet in the circle for convenience sake and perform this ritual with the baby there instead of doing it from a hospital bed with a minimum of actual movement. This is also just a little over a month after we celebrate the Goddess giving birth. So as I've gone through the Sabbats I have found myself relating more with the myths than I did before because I'm experiencing the same sort of stage of pregnancy as the Goddess in the stories. That has made me appreciate the myths on a new level. Also, I have found magick manifesting much faster since I've been pregnant though I'm not sure why. It's strange. Physically, I've been weaker since I've been pregnant. There are many things I can't lift or clean the way I used to. I now have to ask someone to do simple things like take out heavy garbage bags for me. My autoimmune diseases, which were much better at first, have been terrible since July. I've had two blockages that both led to the inability to keep down solid food. All of that good shit... Yet, spiritually and magickally, I have never felt as powerful. It's been an odd but almost fun learning experience.
As for the baby herself? Well, here is what I know so far. She fucking LOVES gum balls (it's been my only consistent craving throughout the pregnancy), she prefers candy to chocolate (she totally gets that from her dad...I see chocolate as the food of the Gods....), she shows her appreciation for Janis Joplin by moving around so much I can barely stand it whenever I play her, she acts the same way when we get baby stuff and we look at it and talk about it (I am pretty sure she is going to love clothes...), and her hobbies right now include rolling herself up into a ball and rolling around my womb. No, I am not making that up. Yes, even the midwife seemed a little taken aback by that one. She is going to be full of energy, stubborn, and tough. And I can't wait to see her.
Oh, and her name will probably be River Song. Both Stevie Lynn and Janis Pearl were nixed by her father and her aunt....something about rock stars, drugs, and a bad influence from the start...whatever...How soon her father forgot that the original River Song killed a "very good man"....I mean, sure, she went back in time and unkilled him...but still...
I hope that life has been good to all of you since I last checked in. I do promise to try not to let half a year pass before I write again. Until next time, I hope you all have only beautiful days and I hope you all remember to smile...
*DRUM ROLL PLEASE*
This is my last Samhain before I give birth. That's right. I'm all knocked up and shit. I am six months, two weeks, and two days along. I know I've touched on my health problems before but I don't think I've ever talked about my history with Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and miscarriages. I never thought I would be able to carry a child past the first trimester. Even as I peed on the stick this time and that second line popped up immediately, I was telling myself not to get excited. I told my boyfriend and the few family members that I shared the news with in the beginning the same thing. Like a good Witch, I did spells to protect us both and to keep her safe and snug in the womb until it is time for her to join the outside world. But even though I'm normally very confident in my spellwork, part of me still doubted that my body could do this. The fear has eased a little but it probably won't go away completely until she's born healthy...just in time for me to start a lifetime of worry over everything else. :)
I have fears that are completely unrelated to the baby and my body as well. I have raised a child before. I know how hard it can be to do things like writing, which will always come second to feeding the baby, changing the baby, playing with the baby...everything that motherhood entails. I know how easy it could be to wake up fifteen years from now and realize that I haven't written a single word since I had my child. Besides something going wrong with the baby, this is my greatest fear. Writing is not something I do. It is part of who I am. It is one of the few things that make up the core of my soul as far as I'm concerned. The moment that I found out I was pregnant and I knew I would have her and keep her, I decided that she comes first no matter what and I will honor that. But it would kill a piece of me if I lost the writer to the mother. This may not be a fear that big names in the literary world face. I doubt there are many male authors who have ever faced it at all. But I know that it isn't a fear that's unheard of where working mothers are concerned in general. So I've used independent artists of different types as my inspiration during my pregnancy while working toward my goal of writing an entire novel between now and January when the baby comes. My biggest inspiration has come from Zoe Keating (former member of Rasputina and current solo artists of amazing cello music), who spent her entire pregnancy working on an album and who takes her now seven or eight year old son on the road with her. Hearing her talk about the way she worked while she was pregnant was what turned on the light bulb in my mind and made me decide to not only finish my re-write of Rapunzel but to also write all of Sleeping Beauty before I give birth to a child. It's like giving birth three times in nine months. It's stressful and exhausting. But I know I can do this and I know I will not regret it.
I have also found inspiration in the pregnancy and new-motherhood-glow of one Amanda Fucking Palmer. She not only worked throughout her pregnancy to prepare for the time that she wouldn't be able to work after she had her son, she has also been very open about her own fears concerning motherhood and her art. I've had a love affair with her blog posts since way back in the myspace days when we were both drunk quite a bit and the posts revolved heavily around small shows and wine. But these past few months I've been hanging on her every post, relating more and more with the things she was saying as I also prepare myself for the hectic year to come. Recently she posted that she went into the studio to record a little bit of a song just weeks after having the baby and though it may not sound like a lot, I was cheering her on all the way. It's something. It's good. It's proof that you can have it all.
So for any of you who read my books, I am sorry it's been so long between novels. I do have a finished book sitting on my desktop. I swear it. But I also know full well that it will be much easier to edit with a baby strapped to my chest than it will be to write a novel next year. And that's my plan for the beginning of the baby's life. I am going to edit both novels and hopefully have them live on Amazon by May. Originally my goal was to write a novel a year. However, I know that for the first five years, I probably won't have time to write enough to make that happen. So instead I promise you, dear readers out there in the virtual universe, that I will write as much as I can, get the books out as fast as I can, and I won't give up. I'm not finished. Not by a long shot. I just need a little patience from you all and a promise that you won't forget about me.
For all of my Witchy friends out there, I've had some interesting experiences with Witching while pregnant that some of you may understand. For one thing, I got pregnant in April, during the time of the Wheel of the Year where we are celebrating fertility and new life and just before we celebrate the Goddess getting pregnant. The baby is due the day before Imbolc, the day when we celebrate the Goddess's recovery from childbirth and a return of sorts to Herself. I, however, believe she will come in the middle of the month which will make this Sabbat even more relevant as I will be able to put her bassinet in the circle for convenience sake and perform this ritual with the baby there instead of doing it from a hospital bed with a minimum of actual movement. This is also just a little over a month after we celebrate the Goddess giving birth. So as I've gone through the Sabbats I have found myself relating more with the myths than I did before because I'm experiencing the same sort of stage of pregnancy as the Goddess in the stories. That has made me appreciate the myths on a new level. Also, I have found magick manifesting much faster since I've been pregnant though I'm not sure why. It's strange. Physically, I've been weaker since I've been pregnant. There are many things I can't lift or clean the way I used to. I now have to ask someone to do simple things like take out heavy garbage bags for me. My autoimmune diseases, which were much better at first, have been terrible since July. I've had two blockages that both led to the inability to keep down solid food. All of that good shit... Yet, spiritually and magickally, I have never felt as powerful. It's been an odd but almost fun learning experience.
As for the baby herself? Well, here is what I know so far. She fucking LOVES gum balls (it's been my only consistent craving throughout the pregnancy), she prefers candy to chocolate (she totally gets that from her dad...I see chocolate as the food of the Gods....), she shows her appreciation for Janis Joplin by moving around so much I can barely stand it whenever I play her, she acts the same way when we get baby stuff and we look at it and talk about it (I am pretty sure she is going to love clothes...), and her hobbies right now include rolling herself up into a ball and rolling around my womb. No, I am not making that up. Yes, even the midwife seemed a little taken aback by that one. She is going to be full of energy, stubborn, and tough. And I can't wait to see her.
Oh, and her name will probably be River Song. Both Stevie Lynn and Janis Pearl were nixed by her father and her aunt....something about rock stars, drugs, and a bad influence from the start...whatever...How soon her father forgot that the original River Song killed a "very good man"....I mean, sure, she went back in time and unkilled him...but still...
I hope that life has been good to all of you since I last checked in. I do promise to try not to let half a year pass before I write again. Until next time, I hope you all have only beautiful days and I hope you all remember to smile...
Sunday, April 5, 2015
I'm on Youtube Now
I gave it a month to see if I would change my mind and stop making videos before I announced this here but I think that this is going to stick around for a while soooo.....I am making youtube videos now. The content is much like the content of this blog. I talk Witchy stuff and writing and, occasionally, politics with a little bit of life stuff thrown in there. I am going to continue with this blog, of course. This isn't a replacement or anything like that. I know I've done a terrible job lately of keeping up with the blog but I do intend to get back into the swing of things. After October when I've graduated I should be back to writing a couple of posts a month, at least. In the meantime, though, there are times when it is just easier to make a video or a topic just seems like it would be good for the type of conversation that a video, thanks to comments and video responses, can inspire. At any rate, unless something comes up, this will be my only post on the subject so if you are not interested in watching me talk, don't fear. I understand. lol But if you would like to check it out, here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5lUUZXJX_-OhrLYOj0Z1UQ
Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate and Happy belated Passover to those of you who celebrate that instead. I hope that today is bright and joyful for you regardless of how you spend it.
Light and Love! :)
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5lUUZXJX_-OhrLYOj0Z1UQ
Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate and Happy belated Passover to those of you who celebrate that instead. I hope that today is bright and joyful for you regardless of how you spend it.
Light and Love! :)
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